The Toddler Food Pyramid: Boogers Not Included

2 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

You’re like me: You often process your thoughts out loud, sometimes not realizing that other people are listening and taking your curious trains of thought more seriously than you are.

Today as I drove you home from school and we listened to John Lennon sing “goo goo g’joob,” you interrupted “I Am The Walrus” with this deep philosophical creed:

“I not eat boogers? I eat food?”

Somehow I didn’t laugh, and instead, instantly responded in a tone that proved your questions to be legitimate.

“That’s right, son. You eat food, not boogers.”

I realize that your version of the food pyramid is almost exclusively built on mac and cheese, beans and rice, bananas, pureed veggies, and raisins. But even at the very top of that pyramid, there is no space available for boogers, with a caption reading, “Use sparingly.”

So maybe you saw some friends at school picking their nose, then eating their findings. Then you thought it was weird but maybe somehow you thought it might be acceptable, so you figured you should ask Daddy.

Or maybe, with all the talk of finding Easter eggs this weekend, and your confusion on whether or not chickens eat the eggs they lay, which leads to more confusion on whether cows drink the milk they so willingly and graciously share with the human population instead of their own young, I could see how you might think that you also could produce your own food source from your body.

Not the case.

Son, I’m glad we had our talk in the car today. I always want you to feel like you can approach me with important questions like this.

While there may be other families out there who disagree with our lifestyle choices, our family is firm in our beliefs:

We’re not a booger eating family.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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