Dad Breaks News To 2-Year-Old Son: “You Won’t Be Tall Enough For The NBA”

2 years old.

Dear Jack,

Son, I have to break the news to you: You won’t be tall enough play in the NBA.

But while a career in professional basketball may not be in the cards for you, I know you’ll still have a lot of fun playing on your Little Tikes basketball goal you got last weekend for your 2nd birthday.

So here’s what we’re looking at: I think you’re going to be around 5′ 8″ or maybe 5′ 9″ by the time you’re done growing up.

We measured you on your 2nd birthday (several times just to be sure) and took several pictures to make it official.

When I see these pictures I laugh because the look on your face makes it seem like it’s your mugshot. A 2 year-old getting a mugshot; that’s funny.

Especially the one where you have dried spaghetti sauce on your face because I made you line up for the picture immediately after dinner, before I would let you play with your toys.

The theory is that, despite growth spurts and growth lags, proportionately on your 2nd birthday you’re half of your adult height.

It worked both for me and my sister, so I know it to be true in my own life.

On your 2nd birthday, you were about 34 inches tall. Doubling that means you will grow to near 5′ 8″.

So basically, you’ll be about as tall as me, which is about 5′ 9″. That sounds about right, because hardly anyone on either side of our family is over 5′ 11″. Mommy’s daddy was that height too.

You won’t be tall, nor will you be particularly short.

You’ll be as about tall as Ben Stiller and Robin Williams.

What’s funny is that your Mommy and I thought you were going to be like 6′ 3″ and 200 pounds. You were born big.

And up until recently, you were a big kid. People thought you were a year older than you were.

But by the time you reached your 2nd birthday, you started to become proportionally more like me: A smaller framed, yet averaged sized male.

During high school, you’ll probably wish you could be a little bit taller as some of your friends shoot up to over 6 feet tall. I remember feeling that way around 11th grade.

Eventually though, you’ll begin to appreciate your completely normal and average size.

I guess it’s pretty unusual knowing so early in your life how tall you’ll grow to be.

There’s really no wondering for you on this.¬†Jack, you’re destined to be physically average sized. Just like me.

But I promise you: You are no average boy.

You are my son. I am pouring my into life into you. I will make sure you turn out to be no average kid.

I already know you’re destined to challenge the system, to be strong in your opinions, and to take pride in the things that make you different.

So with that being said, I don’t think you can be an average boy. Well, maybe in height, but that’s it.






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  1. by Amanda

    On November 20, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Oh my goodness, he’s adorable!! My son will likely be in this same boat, as I am 4’11″ and my husband is 5’8″. I love that you said he’ll never be average. <3

  2. by IceCreamFunk

    On November 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Of course this article is all in fun, but let’s not forget that Mugsy Bogues was only 5’3″ and played in the NBA for 10 years! 24 people in the course of NBA history have been 5’9″ or shorter, so hey little man, don’t worry about how tall you end up, it’s all in your heart!1