Posts Tagged ‘ toddler addoption ’

Father Dearly Remembers an Adopted Stepchild Who Died

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Adopting a second dog made my family realize how much more work two is than only one. Dogs and kids, two is more work than one. That’s all I meant; it’s good to be reminded of how much work/love/chores/discipline you need for two. Not one — two is so much more.

That’s what I meant when I compared domestic child adoption to a rescue dog adoption. In fact, we did rescue a second dog after long conversations and hair-pulling, arguments and opinions. Adopt a new dog (my choice) to prepare for a second child who we adopt as a toddler and save from a life of abuse and neglect (husband’s choice).

And then, a miracle letter from a reader tho has gone through emotional torment when his adopted stepchild died. Read this letter about putting life into perspective.

Thanks for sending it:

“I also want to reply to this adopt a pet vs a child issue. All those getting upset about this are being silly. There are many reasons why a pet would be better off in a home than a child would. Perhaps financial constraints play a factor. The pet is much cheaper to care for. The pet and owner can provide much love for each other. Many times women get pregnant simply because they want someone to love them. They wind up making horrible mothers.  There is no requirement that you Must raise a child.

[Today, at this point ] I have no kids but I can’t afford a kid anyway. Suits me fine. I have more time and money to do the things that are important to me. If raising a child is important to you, go for it, but don’t sit there on your high horse and look down at those of us with different ideas about how life should be. That said, when I was a young man I did have a wife and a wonderful stepson.

I raised this boy for 5 years and loved him as my own. His biological father wanted nothing to do with him. Wife and stepson were killed in a car accident. That was over 20 years ago.

Took me years to get over that loss. A long, long time. You people need to get a grip and let people live how is best for them.”

Forgiveness can take forever. Leave your comments below:

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International Toddler Adoption or Stolen-Child Trafficking?

Monday, June 25th, 2012

As news of child trafficking in China and Guatemala make headlines, rumors explode about international adoptions in these countries, and how big a role  child trafficking plays in poor countries where newborns may be stolen for adoption to wealthier and more stable countries.

Countries that have placed limits, sometimes closed or partially closed because of concerns over coercion of birthparents or “illegal adoption” include Vietnam, Cambodia, Nepal, Guatemala, and Romania. China, reputedly, is working to contain corroborated trafficking within its orphanage system.

Faced with such accounts of trafficking,
parents of course have an instinctive reaction of shock or guilt or even disbelief. By adopting, could you have fueled this trade?

Some parents who adopt internationally will question the need to bring up things that happened in their child’s past. Could you personally admit that money may have driven your birth parents’ decision, or that your joyful toddler comes from poor parents who never even gave consent?

If corruption exists in your child’s birth country or may have played a role in your baby’s adoption, I believe it’s not your fault. You didn’t set out to “steal” anyone’s baby.

Tell me what you think about international adoption from a country that gives you doubts?

While we’re on controversial adoption subjects, do you think that Hollywood A-list celebs who adopt children get an easier time of it because they can likely afford an international adoption?

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International Adoption: Adopting Little Girls

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

My family is still interested in adopting a little girl through an International Adoption agency, and it is so very interesting that the adoption of girls internationally has outnumbered the adoption of boys roughly 60%  in the last several years. According to several agencies I tapped. In 2007 — the last date I could get my hands on those stats — of the 19,471 children adopted internationally, 11,846 of were girls and 7,789 were boys.

Choice of gender is, obviously, a factor when it comes to adoption around the world. Parents will usually choose a girl instead of a boy to adopt.

Why do most adoptive parents want a girl? According to one agency that offers motivating adoption stories, there are several myths about the adoption of girls versus boys:

Myth: Is it easier to adopt a girl verses a boy.

Fact: In fact, it is the opposite. The wait time is most always longer to adopt a girl.

Myth: Adoptive parents think boys will get in more trouble than girls.

Fact: As you probably know by now, girls can get in just as much trouble as boys! The success lies in the parenting abilities of the parents!

Myth: There are more girls available for adoption than boys.

Fact: No, there are more boys available for adoption than girls in all countries except China. The prevalence of Chinese girls adopted by Americans has given the false impression that girls are unwanted but China is a patriarchal society and this is why girls are available for adoption there.

Okay, so I’m going to throw this out there to this outspoken adoption population about the differences in gender: Do more families want to adopt a toddler daughter because the girls may be less aggressive, with fewer emotional issues? The gender differences may not matter so much with babies, right?

I do know one horrid story in Orange County, Calif. (that I have verified) where a Romanian son (7) was finally adopted and went on to sexually assault his new little sister who was a biological daughter to the family. (Young rapist was sent back to Romania, FYI…)

Be brutally honest: Is this why we prefer to adopt females? Let’s explore the honest conversation without allowing emotions to run wild! Can we do that?

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Sexual Abuse Common in Foster Care

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

After reading a horrid news story about an 11-year-old Philadelphia girl who was repeatedly raped by an older foster brother, I began scouring records and state governmental agencies to glean stats on sexual abuse in foster homes across the country.

The most recent clinical studies I found were from 2005 — but many national adoption experts say that young kids are in jeopardy all over America  when they are placed in foster care. My family is seriously considering adopting a foster daughter through Los Angeles County in the future (for those of you just tuning in) and so this subject affects me deeply.

This in from adoption blogger Sharon: “Most of the girls that I deal with have been raped and molested in the foster homes that they were in,” said independent child advocate and blogger Sharon McGinley. An advocate for kids aging out of foster care, she says the system is broken, and that the people from group homes and kids caught in foster care situations are afraid that reporting this level of widespread sexual abuse in foster homes would jeopardize their federal funding.

If that’s not bad enough, early abuses may harm the overall health of that woman for the rest of her life: Women who were repeatedly sexually abused as girls have a 62 percent higher risk of heart problems  later in life compared with women who were not abused, U.S. researchers said on Sunday at the American Heart Association symposium.

Compared to women who weren’t molested or raped as children or teens, women who reported:

* Repeated episodes of forced sex in childhood or adolescence had a 62 percent higher risk of cardiovascular disease as adults.
* Severe physical abuse in childhood or adolescence was associated with a 45 percent increased risk of cardiovascular events.

“The single biggest factor explaining the link between severe child abuse and adult cardiovascular disease was the tendency of abused girls to have gained more weight throughout adolescence and into adulthood,” said Janet Rich-Edwards, Sc.D., M.P.H., lead author of the study.

The team analyzed data from a study of more than 67,000 nurses. Nine percent of these women had reported severe physical abuse and 11 percent reported being raped in their childhood or adolescence.The team found that repeated episodes of forced sex in childhood or adolescence translated into a 62 percent higher risk of heart attacks and strokes later in life. Much of the increased risk was related to coping strategies such as overeating alcoholism and drug abuse.

Physical abuse also took a toll. Women who had been beaten in their youth had a 45 percent higher risk of heart trouble. Mild to moderate physical or sexual abuse was not associated with increased risk.

Stay tuned for more indignation!

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Happy Thanksgiving to Foster Kids and Adoptees

Friday, November 25th, 2011

The older I get, the more I put my heart out on my sleeve. Motherhood mellows me.

Perhaps the love of a steady and loyal husband and one very happy and healthy biological boy help me believe in the essence of goodness this year. But this is the last Thanksgiving we will sit three around my table. We will adopt a daughter this year, either internationally from India if we can save that last $15,000 in the middle of this godawful recession. Or this is the year we finish our 24 hours of advanced foster family training and begin the foster process to adopt locally from the Country of Los Angeles.

Of course, this year we are not just three at our holiday table, either. We have friends joining us too. And we are still planning on adopting a new dog because our family gets better and better when we open our hearts to others in need.

These are other things I am especially thankful for this year:

  • I am thankful to my amazing girlfriends who cannot have children around their own tables this year, and they come to mine to help my son play and cook, make puzzles and help mend their broken hearts.
  • I am thankful that my husband (who was so sick for a very long time) is feeling so much better that he has a glimmer of mischief in his pretty blue eyes this year.
  • I am thankful to meet organizations who match expectant parents (like us) with poor neglected kids who need a mom and a dad. Hurry!
  • I am thankful to dog rescue organizations who speak out for the voiceless. We are going to adopt a pretty new female dog this year too.
  • I am thankful that my mom’s cancer tests are coming back negative, one by one!
  • I am thankful that my soon-to-be six-year old son wants a little sister because he wants to share all his toys. Sam realizes just how he is blessed and he wants to share. That shows me we’re doing something fantastic when it comes to raising Sam.

Finally, I am thankful to the readers of The Adoption Diaries. You have a responsibility to shout out the benefits of adoption, so tell your story here!

 

 

 

 

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