Posts Tagged ‘
sibling rivary ’
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012
Every once in awhile, I receive a book or see a DVD that shifts my thinking, or really peaks my interest. I occasionally step outside “The Adoption Diaries” to tap into what makes all parents fitter and healthier human beings. After all, when I was pregnant with my son Sam, I already felt like a parent and acted more responsibly like one — what about you?
This is one of those non-adoption posts for all parents.
My friend Liz Vaccariello just debuted “The Digest Diet” where she explores breakthrough scientific studies for healthy weight loss and combating overweight and obesity. A busy full-time journalist and mother to 7-year-old twin daughters, Vaccariello knows a lot about trying to be the healthiest mom she can be with limited time and a schedule that’s filled with morning runs, meetings, school obligations, you know the drill. She’s always been straightforward and incredibly curious.
A few of her summer shape-up tips:
Drink your minerals. “Your mom told you to drink milk because its calcium was good for your bones, but I doubt she knew calcium is also good for controlling hunger and appetite,” said Vaccariello. “I found one amazing study from 2010 that shows drinking fat-free milk immediately after resistance training and then again one hour afterward results in greater muscles mass, strength gains and fat loss.”
Laugh it off. “Stress takes such an enormous toll on your health, your waistline and also your immunity,” said Vaccariello. “I found studies that prove laughing actually burns calories, and one study from London showed an hour of laughing can blast as many calories as, say, 18 to 20 minutes of weight training or 15 minutes of walking. Exercise is the ultimate stress reducer.”
Brush up on body image. The great irony, she told me, is that successful weight loss comes when you respect your body at any weight and can stop demonizing fat. “You don’t need a researcher to tell you about the clear link between stress and obesity,” she said. Many of us self-medicate when we’re feeling blue — or worse — but actually having more fat cells actually increases the rate of depression. “Chronic, low-grade inflammation may be tracked back to fat cells; so curb it before it affects your emotional well-being,” Vaccariello said.
Vaccariello, who appears as an expert on The Doctors, offers delicious, simple recipes for moms-on-the-go, and straightforward advice in her new health and weight loss book.
Tell me your story here.
Friday, October 14th, 2011
If you tuned in on Wednesday, you met Carolann from Florida, who was neglected and violently beaten by her mentally ill mother during childhood. While she was still toddler, her brother began raping and abusing her at home and when she complained to her teacher, she was beaten again by her own mother “for telling and getting your brother in trouble.”
Carolann P. remembered, “What is sad is this is too common and no one does enough for the victims of such abuse. I remember every instance, every night. I’ve never blocked it out although I’ve tried.”
Her frightening and degrading childhood has impacted every decision she’s made, from her hard life to the man she married. “How do I handle this, even after years and years of recovery therapy… It cost me my marriage and some of my sanity, an emotion breakdown and hardship. Of course it has.”
Carolann wished desperately to be placed into foster care and confessed once everything to a third grade teacher. “I was beaten when I came home for it that one but I will never forget the teachers who tried to help, gave me a safe place to do homework. It is my belief without the help I received from perfect strangers all along my journey I would be forgotten and just another number added to the sad list of suicides in this country.”
Today she helps other victims find their voice and freedom from abuse.
“Everyone in my family inherited depression and I am the only one to receive consistent help. I am the only one who goes for treatment. I also learned some time ago, we are all born alone. I am responsible now for my own life … but it’s a messed up world to me.”
“After spending much of my life in recovery for something that was not my fault, I want my day in court, I want my brother to pay restitution for stealing my life away.”
“I wish I had never been born to her, I wish my mother could have had the strength to give us up for adoption to a kind family. I beg other abusive parents to do the same. I have the fondest memories of living with one foster mom for a few happy months of peace. She was the nicest person.”
“Thanks for letting me purge.”
– Carolann P. in Florida
Join me in congratulating Carolann for surviving but this abuse has got to stop. We must become more aware of these situations. Stay tuned for anti-abuse blogs next week. Hear me roar!
Friday, June 17th, 2011
“I wish I was an only child.” Growing up, I’d confide that tidbit to everyone in earshot, especially my sister, Lisa. When I hit my early teens and figured a few things out, instead I’d tell her, “Mom says you were a mistake. An accident, like, whoops! There’s… Lisa.” My sister mostly ignored me but we all knew it was true growing up.
My own mother admitted it upon deeper questioning: “C’mon, who actually plans to have two kids under two in diapers?” And then my mother would squint or actively grimace and say, every single time. “I believed the idiot when he told me I couldn’t get pregnant again so soon.” Barely a month after giving birth and my mother was pregnant again. Because she listened to “the idiot” who was my father.
Should I even have children with all the baggage in my family? Too late, Sam is five with a great head on his shoulders. Beloved bu two very active and loving parents. I adore being a mom, hSam makes me laugh and lighten up every day. He allows me to see the best side of life on a daily basis.
So I ask: If you grew up with a sib, did you ever wish you were an only child?
If you are an only child, did you occasionally yearn for a brother or sister?
Did that feeling ever go away? The yearning?
If I could really pick, I’d have clearly chosen to have a cute older brother with a slew of hot friends. But that’s just me; I’m always thinking ahead.
I don’t want my 5-year-old son to miss out on sharing any more childhood without a sibling to share it with… If my sister didn’t routinely recall the triumphs and disasters of public school, I’d forget so much.
Without Lisa, who finally grew out of that “Eight is Enough” haircut in puberty, I would not have a complete dossier. The full dossier of my past, and also of me.
“Remember when… ?” That’s how family conversations with siblings often start.
Even if you have to finish the sentence with something rotten from our own family tree. “Lisa, remember when Mom got so mad at Dad in the garage that she threw your bamboo fishing pole like a harpoon? “Member that?”
I do. Thanks to my sister…
Credit: Aunt Lisa Dorsey holding 3-month-old Sam. Sweetness.