Posts Tagged ‘
pregnancy over 35 ’
Friday, April 13th, 2012
If you tuned in on Wednesday, you met ballsy blogger Andrea Fox [at right] from Boston who began her adoption journey with the love of her life husband Bill. She wrote to us, “I didn’t meet the man I was supposed to marry until late in life. I consider myself quite a traditionalist, so I didn’t want to have children until I got married – to the right guy.
I found the right guy – Bill – when I was 41 and we got married exactly one year after we met. Having both come from large families, we wanted our children to be surrounded by siblings. Cognizant of our age, we realized that it might not be possible to achieve this biologically, so we planned on growing our family both biologically and through adoption,” Andrea told me.
When the couple visited fertility specialist, they were given a less than 1% chance of success, so they dove headfirst into international adoption instead! She said, “Two weeks after we got the news, I feverishly plunged right into adoption paperwork. We signed up with an international adoption agency, had our dossier completed in two months, and one month later we got the call that we had been matched.
We were ecstatic, yet on the way to the agency the following day, I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably, and didn’t stop for one week before realizing that I just wasn’t ready to adopt. With the help of the adoption agency, I found an adoption/infertility counselor who helped me to see that I hadn’t given myself a chance to grieve my infertility. After an agonizing decision-making process Bill and I decided to withdraw from our international adoption. Even though I was faced with yet another year or so of postponing motherhood, we all knew it was the right thing to do for everyone involved.
Bill and I gave ourselves several months to adjust to the fact that we would not become biological parents. We took mini-trips, had family gatherings and did some renovations on our house, all the while attending infertility counseling.
When we both felt ready to start adoption again, it took just five months from signing with a domestic adoption agency to getting the call that would change our lives forever. A birth mother and a baby were waiting for us to meet them seven states away. Cricket was born several weeks early and weighed a slight two pounds, three ounces. Her birth mother and I bonded instantly, talking effortless on the phone during the 15-hour drive. By the time we met in the lobby of the hospital we felt like we knew each other already,” Andrea told us.
On Sunday, March 9 2008 at 8:20 pm, Andrea held daughter “Cricket” for the first time.
Andrea said, “Cricket’s birth mother led us to her crib in the Neo-Natal Progressive Care Unit. She noticed that I was hesitant to pick her up, so she picked up Cricket, told me to sit down and placed her in my arms, taking the very first picture of us as a family. As I looked down into my daughter’s eyes, a myriad of emotions washed over me, none of which included regret at having waited so long to become a mom. The only thing that was important in my life was loving and protecting this beautiful, fragile, tiny child.”
Hurray, thanks for sharing your beautiful and inspiring of international adoption, mom blogger Andrea Fox. Read all about it on her site, and keep those stories coming to me!
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Wednesday, April 11th, 2012
Mom Blogger Andrea Fox from Boston, Mass., got my attention when she responded so positively to a former post on “The Adoption Diaries” on the day I confessed that I (more than my family, I personally) wanted to adopt an international toddler daughter based on the off chance, on the sickening perchance, that my biological son Sam dies early. He’s only six.
Whatever you think about that, how incredibly selfish that sounds now, Andrea wrote back that she was feeling the exact same way about her sole adopted child, a daughter she adopted four years ago when she was already 44 years young. Andrea she she might consider adopting another kid just in case the first one well… you know what we mean! It’s horrifying to consider.
She wrote to me, “Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only adoptive mother in the world who thought about adoption number two in case my daughter died. Thanks for writing that line. So honest! Whether it’s a selfish or pragmatic reason to have another child, I’m just glad I’m not the only mother in the world who has had this morbid thought…”
We got to talking, and Andrea, 48, had this to say about her own adoption journey: “While many couples are postponing parenthood for career, travel, or advanced college degrees, the reason I became a first-time mom at 44 is quite simple: I didn’t meet the man I was supposed to marry until late in life. I consider myself quite a traditionalist, so I didn’t want to have children until I got married – to the right guy.
I found the right guy – Bill – when I was 41 and we got married exactly one year after we met. Having both come from large families, we wanted our children to be surrounded by siblings. Cognizant of our age, we realized that it might not be possible to achieve this biologically, so we planned on growing our family both biologically and through adoption.
Shortly after we got married, we went to a fertility specialist who told us that our chances of becoming parents biologically were less than 1% and that fertility treatments were not an option. No one was more aware of my ‘advanced maternal age’ than I was, so I was neither surprised nor disheartened – or so I thought at the time.”
Tune in on Friday when Andrea journals in Part 2 about her battle with infertility and also about her own adoption journey along with the love of her life, husband Bill.
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Friday, March 23rd, 2012
All over the country, couples are postponing parenthood. Birth rates for women in their thirties and forties have in- creased and for men over age forty-five, rates have increased by almost 20 percent since 1980. According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report, the birthrate for women 45 and over more than doubled between 1990 and 2002.
Latecomers: Children of Parents Over 35, a book by Andrew Yarrow reported the results of research of adults who grew up with older parents. He wrote that children benefit from having parents who are mature and experienced adults, and who can provide more stability and attention than younger parents.
Older adopters may have difficulty in finding an agency in their area that will accept them for a home study (pre-adoption preparation) from a licensed agency, which is mandated by federal law.
You need to be prepared for questions about your health; have the physician whom does your health exam make a comment on your expected longevity. If you have a chronic health problem, this doesn’t eliminate you, as long as you are under medical care and are faithful in following the required regimen. An agency must be sure the new child would not have to face another “loss” in the near future.
Here’s my quick Pro and Con list of older parenting:
Less selfish and work-obsessed
Rare sex. (Have I mentioned I’m exhausted?)
According to Yarrow’s book on older parents who adopt or foster children:
1. Children of older parents had an ever-present fear (even when they were young) for the health of their parents.
2. As young married couples, these children had to become caretakers of aging parents while the parents of their contemporaries were still very active. They were also caring for their own young children at the same time.
3. As children they knew their parents were wiser than other parents who had children when in their 20s. Some mentioned that today’s older parents are much more health conscious, and have more interest in staying on a healthy diet, not smoking, and exercising regularly, than those of previous generations.
Interesting, right? Tell me your adoption story here, Granny.
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Monday, January 30th, 2012
Before you ask (and you will ask — everybody does), I did not have trouble conceiving our son, Sam. I was working at a job I adored Organic Spa Magazine and I was in love with my newish fiancee (then a screenwriter in Los Angeles) when everyone — from my gyno to my mother-in-law — began beseeching us to start trying to get pregnant due to my “advanced maternal age.”
Well, well, surprise. Take that advanced maternal age! First month out of the gate, well past my 35th birthday.
Tough subject, I know. I have universal respect for women friends in their thirties and forties who have never been able to get pregnant at all; I understand (a little) how much that sucks. Two of my best friends cannot get pregnant still.
But I now take pleasure in my work, I gleefully pedal my beach cruiser, hike with my dog, I enjoy this “me time” I carved out with only one kiddo. (Yes, I do admit it: I also like my stomach toned and flat again.)
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Friday, January 20th, 2012
If you tuned in on Wednesday you read about Jessy, 32, and her husband Dave, 35, who had nearly given up on having a baby after Jessy suffered four ectopic pregnancies that nearly killed her. Her best friend’s cousin — a young bio-mom that already had one tiny baby — found herself pregnant again and didn’t know what to do. She had no boyfriend, no job and barely had a roof over her head. And she was pregnant again!
Jessy remembered, “We were so scared of her changing her mind. Our hearts would be so broken by a failed adoption that we knew we wouldn’t be able to console our friends and stepchildren if it fell through, so better to shock them with good news than hurt them with bad news.”
The couple joined this bio-mom for every doctor’s appointment and stayed in constant contact to support her.
Jessy said, “We fell more in love with this young lady and the baby she was carrying and in September 2008 we got the call that she was in labor and we rushed to the hospital. We were there to cut the umbilical cord and the nurse handed her right to me. Thank goodness my husband was standing right next to me because I felt my knees go weak when I held my incredible little girl in my arms for the first time!
We walked right to the nursery where they discovered our new daughter had fluid in her lungs. Our tiny new one stayed in the neonatal unit for a few weeks but she was otherwise healthy. She came home on oxygen which was scary for me as her mother but my husband, who had experienced sick babies, before was a real rock through this ordeal.”
This fortunate couple didn’t go through an agency and so the adoption adoption process took longer then usual but was much less expensive!
“We were her legal guardians within 24 hours of her birth. We had a private lawyer who didn’t charge us the outrageous fees the agencies charge. Our lawyers, Joe and Melissa, are a married couple but they are kind, caring, and truly just wanted to help us achieve the dream of being parents to this baby girl.”
Finally, Jesse said, “I don’t know if our story is that sensational but it is nothing like any other adoption story I have heard before. Our family feels like we won the biggest lottery ever. This just proves the world is a very small place and if you look closely you will find miracles happen all around you.”
Photo credit: At right is Dave and Jessy with adopted daughter Teagan. Tell me a great one of your own and have a blissful weekend.
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