Posts Tagged ‘ gay adoption ’

Follow Up: 3 Adopted Kids Raped, Abused by New Father

Friday, April 20th, 2012

Sometimes a single blog on The Adoption Diaries raises such a fuss, issues such a stream of rage and outcry that I may revisit it. A couple weeks ago I found a short item from Ohio about a new adoptive father that not only raped his three new children (two boys and a girl ages 9 until 13). This  official unholy monster  also prostituted the children to several male friends. Read about it here. Well, so many dozens of you wrote in and wanted him dead and prosecuted.

So many of your readers were equally as violent in your responses that I could not print your rage and anger. It was very upsetting, actually. This horrible man is going to court next week on charged that will likely keep him in prison for the rest of his life; the  two other men who raped those kids have now also been arrested. The three kids have been returned to that state’s foster care system where they hopefully can heal under a more careful and watchful eye! But could that happen again? Folks, it happens every day in the foster care system!

To counteract that post, reader Dawn had this to say. She is one mother who is absolutely outraged:

She wrote, “There are so many happy and beautiful stories of adoption to be told, but this tale is NOT about adoption. It is about a predator.  Adoptive parent screening is very extensive.  I am an adoptive mother and can attest to the scrutiny and examination that we all go through. So sad for these children who were already failed and have endured further trauma. This is the exception, NOT the rule.  The screening process may not be perfect, but I would love to compare it to that of parents who conceive children. Yeah…that is non-existent.

Dawn also questioned, “Who is testing this adoptive family? Who is screened, tested, interviewed or trained safefully prior to becoming parents?  Just a little balance for this awful and tragic story.  Please do not focus on the wrong element. Bad parents are bad parents. Most all children who are in protective custody or waiting for forever loving foster/adoptive families did not arrive there because of abuse at the hands of an adoptive parent.”

Thanks for responding in such a healthy and balanced way, Dawn. You also helped my mood and my emotions! Tune in on Friday.

Happy Earth Day, moms and dads!

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Sexting is a National Concern for Tweens, Teens and Parents

Monday, April 9th, 2012

Does your Tween or Teen sext? Prospective parents, potential adoptive parents have to be especially careful about this necause so many older children in the foster care system are already aware of their sexuality. A new National Poll on children’s health ] measures public opinion about legislation addressing teens who send sexually explicit messages.

Sexting – sending sexually explicit, nude, or semi-nude photos by cell phone – has become a national concern, especially when it involves children and teens. A new poll shows that the vast majority of adults do not support legal consequences for teens who sext. Seventeen states have already enacted laws to address youth sexting and another 13 states have pending legislation in 2012 that focuses on sexting.

The University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health recently asked adults across the United States for their opinions about youth sexting and sexting legislation. The poll found that the vast majority, 81 percent, of adults think an educational program or counseling is an appropriate consequence for teens who sext. Most adults also favor similar non-criminal programs: 76 percent of adults think schools should give all students and parents information on sexting, and 75 percent of adults support requiring community service for sexting teens.

In contrast, most adults do not favor legal consequences for minors who sext other minors. About one-half, 44 percent, support fines less than $500 for youth sexting, while 20 percent or fewer think that sexting should be treated as a sex crime, or that teens who sext should be prosecuted under sexual abuse laws.

As youth sexting has become more of a national concern, many states have acted to address the issue. However, before this poll, very little was known about what the public thinks about sexting legislation,” says Matthew M. Davis M.D., M.A.P.P., Director of the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, Associate Professor in the Child Health Evaluation and Research Unit at the U-M Medical School.

“This poll indicates that, while many adults are concerned about sexting among children and teenagers, they strongly favor educational programs, counseling, and community service rather than penalties through the legal system,” says Davis.

The poll also asked adults who they think should play a role in addressing the problem of youth sexting. Almost all adults, 93 percent, believe parents should have a major role. Many adults also believe that teens themselves, 71 percent, and schools, 52 percent, should have a major role in addressing youth sexting.

Do you have experience with sexting in your family? Read the fascinating study here, and then tell me your happy or inspiring adoption story here!

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International India Adoption Takes 2 Years — Worth It!

Friday, February 17th, 2012

Part 2: Denise Imbesi finally traveled to an orphanage outside Delhi this past summer to finalize adoption proceedings for her 4-year-old daughter Jaya who she had never met or even spoken to — the match was done via photograph!

When Denise walked into the clean and orderly orphanage, she saw over 50 kids crammed into one huge room with everything they own in one small box. Her new daughter was finally led out, looked scared and wearing too-tight clothes and dirty shoes. Jaya was in shock and frightened, she was petrified but she warmed up quickly and she began saying “mama” and she fell asleep in Denise’s arms within 15 minutes of  holding her for the first time.

Denise said, “We found out the hard way Jaya was never potty trained and she began crying, India was overwhelming for her. Jaya was carsick, she’d never been in a car before. The trip home was trying for her but her life is better than it ever could be.

Now it’s been 7 months she came to Florida and Jaya only speaks English! Denise said, “For two months it was difficult but we stuck it out and I had a lot of patience and love for her. We  hugged continuously  for literally months and she always knew she was loved very much.”

Denise said, “My daughter is loving, smart, so happy and amazing. This kid does not cry. She is very healthy and animated and social.”

The new mom also said, “Jaya has been in pre-K since September and she loves it — already has best friends. She is learning the language and how to thrive in the USA. Denise said, “Our food did not agree with her to digestive system and her foundation for nutrition is still beans and Indian lentils, but she tries other food. We go to Indian restaurants each week and she feels immediately at home with the cuisine.

Now I cannot imagine my life without her. Biggest surprise about motherhood? How much time it takes to put her to bed and maintaining the ultra-consistency of her life so she stays calm. We are very happy and loving with her at all times, calm and patient.

ADVICE: These kids need a home and desperately need parental love. Jaya is very bright and happy. I did the best thing! She is mine 100% since this started; I feel like I gave birth to her and I cannot love her more.”

Denise Imbesi is the Founder, CEO and visionary behind the fitness music brand Muscle Mixes Music. Denise co-parents Jaya with her partner of 4 years, Sara Barone and live in Orlando, Florida. Tell me your adoption story here!


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Part 1: International Indian Adoption Takes 2 Long Years

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

My friend Denise Imbesi began thinking about and then preparing for an international adoption nearly four years ago! She was single (at the time) and always wanted to be a mom. She is also a successful business owner and funded the nearly $20,000 ($10,000 plunked down to start).

She also highly recommends her Indian Agency/ IFS India Family Services because they ushered her painlessly through the process for two years!

She said, “They expained costs and paperwork along the way, and, yes, it felt like a big chunk of change to lay out with nothing to show for it for the first year or so, but the end product is worth it”

Denise went to India July 4th to pick up her 4-year-old daughter who she’s been trying to adopt for 2 years. She spent one week in India finalizing immigration, visa, etc. Denise said, “I was a nervous wreck and began crying the second I walked into the orphanage outside of Delhi. It was a beautiful building, clean and neat, with Mickey Mouse on the walls. There were 50+ orphans sleeping and living in one huge room, most of them girls under four. That was pretty sad because they had no parents but all seemed well-tended.

Jaya, 4 years old, looked so scared and she was wearing too-tight clothes and dirty shoes. She was in shock and frightened, she was petrified but she warmed up quickly and she began saying “mama” pretty quickly, and she fell asleep in Denise’s arms within 15 minutes of me holding her for the first time.”

“We stayed with our Indian liaison who told us everything to do to make her feel better. I toured her room of 50 beds lined up and some were cribs and some were obviously special needs kids, India’s special needs kids among the healthiest ones.

All the little kids were praying and saying ‘Namaste,’ and then the following day we took her through legal proceedings, filed final papers and took her to the hotel. Jaya spoke only Hindi and communication was difficult for the first few days. Lots of gesturing.”

Denise and her partner Sara found out the hard way that Jaya at 4 was never potty trained and she began crying as they left the only home she’d ever known. “Jaya was carsick, she’d never been in a car before. The trip home was trying for her but her life is better than it ever could ever be in India.”

Photo above: The first moment adoptive mother Denise (in white at right) met her new daughter, Jaya!

Tune in on Friday when Denise realizes that Jaya does not speak a single work of English!

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Same Sex Couples Face Big Adoption Hurdles

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

A lawsuit filed in federal court in Michigan two weeks ago could change the way state laws consider same-sex couples with adopted children, CNN affiliate WXYZ reported.

Current law allows only one parent to adopt kids, but if something happens to that parent, the other partner has no parental rights. That means the parents cannot sign for their own children’s medical treatment, and the kids don’t have the same inheritance rights or rights to social security disability or health insurance.

April Deboer and Jayne Rowse have raised three children since birth, but state laws allows only one of them to be each child’s legal parent. “Michigan has some of the worst laws in the country for gay and lesbian parents,” says attorney Carole Stanyar, who represents them.

One of the women adopted one child – while the other woman had to adopt the other two – that’s because the law in Michigan won’t let them jointly adopt all three kids. And they’re hoping this lawsuit will change the lives of children all over Michigan.

Deboer and Rowse have dedicated their lives to raising three small children – two of whom have special needs. Deboer and Rowse are both nurses – and they have been in a committed relationship for more than a decade.

“When we were foster parents, we had more rights to our children than we do now as adoptive parents,” says Rowse. “We each had the legal say-so in what happened to our foster son.  And now that he’s adopted, she’s like an invisible person to him in the eyes of the law.”

Stanyar and attorney Dana Nessel are filing a lawsuit in Federal Court against Governor Rick Snyder and Attorney General Bill Schuette,  challenging Michigan’s Adoption Code, which allows only married couples or single people to adopt.

Lawyers say the children of same-sex couples also don’t have the same inheritance rights that other kids do. They also can’t receive social security disability from the non-adoptive parent, or health insurance.  Also if a same-sex couple separates, they have no legal ability to see the children that they didn’t adopt.

Nessel says if this civil rights suit changes the law, approximately 10,000 children in same-sex homes in Michigan will be impacted.  She says hundreds of other same-sex couples will start giving permanent homes to foster children.

“They want to take children who have no homes, who have no parents and give them a real family,” says Nessel. “And they’re afraid to do it, because they don’t want to be faced with the decision of who gets to be the legal parent of the child. So they simply don’t do it or they leave the state.”

“We want to protect our children,” says Deboer.

What do you think of same-sex couples adopting? I am 100% in support of this!

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