Posts Tagged ‘ adoptive parents ’

Revisiting a Foster Mom with 30 Kids, 5 Adopted

Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

domestic adoption foster careWhen we first published this story about an angel of a foster mom who has taken in 30 foster kids over the last few years, we got some great comments, everyone wanted to know what kind of big-hearted family takes in 30 kids.

The Foster mom who asked to be called “Mom of 9″ (only 9 at home now) said, “As a foster parent who has fostered and adopted five of them, I have experience with many kinds of abuse cases. It’s much more common than you think. Not only foster kids hurting biological kids, but foster siblings assaulting each other and even step-siblings assaulting each other. ”

Mom of 9 said that when it comes to sexual abuse in foster care, age is not a factor. She said, “We once had an 8-year-old boy placed with us that ended up being inappropriate towards our other sons. The county didn’t tell us until after he’d been in our home a few days that there was a risk of that because of what he’d been exposed to previously.”

Mom of 9 also said, “When someone adopts a child, the county is required by law to disclose their entire history of abuse but foster parents don’t get the same treatment; they are expected to take a child with only general information. We once had a six-year-old girl with us for three days  and the county didn’t tell us until three days later that she required an inhaler and an Epi-pen for emergencies. Her older sister finally mentioned it.”

She believes there should be stricter laws and legislation to protect and serve all children in foster care. What do you guys think?

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Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff

Happy Adoption Story from a Family of Adopted Kids

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012

I asked readers of The Adoption Diaries to tell me a happy, true story of adoption because we’ve been focusing on some of the recent foster care and adoption horror stories, like the Sandusky scandal at Penn State.

So outspoken reader Jamie wrote, “Here’s a good adoption story. If you did more research you would find many good stories. My aunt and uncle adopted my cousin when he was two days old, and he is loved, treated with all the respect in the world. He was never abused by anyone. My own parents adopted three children: my older brother was adopted when he was 7; my sister and I were adopted at ages 3 and 4.

Raised happy, good Jewish kids by the grace of God. We all had wonderful childhoods and we’re all still close.  My brother went on to be an underwater welder, my sisters are both in college now and I’m an aesthetician; all four good people with great lives.

I am sure that  99% of adoptive parents are good loving people who don’t rape or abuse there children…”

That’s a smart response to my lamenting posts about adopting from foster care and being afraid of the the emotional composition of these kids, many of whom were born addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Breaking News: Father’s Age Is Linked to Autism

Cell mutations become more numerous with advancing age, so older men are more likely than younger ones to father a child who develops autism or schizophrenia. Scientists just reported in Nature last week, the age of mothers had no significance.

According to the study, surging rate of autism diagnoses over recent decades is partially attributable to the increasing average age of fathers, and may account for as many as 30 percent of new cases. The overall risk to a man in his forties is 2 percent and increases each year.

There are many autistic children up for adoption in foster care situations all across America; it takes a strong commitment to parent a troubled kid.

Do you know anyone who’d adopted an autistic child and has tips for other parents?

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Foster Kids Abused Before Arriving at Your Home

Monday, August 20th, 2012

If you’ve tuned in lately, you know that my family is enrolled to take a 24-hour foster care training course via the Los Angeles Country family and foster care services here in Calif. You may recall that the first time we enrolled, we had to back out because six weeks of 4-hour courses were held on Saturdays which makes it hard to finish since we have our Bio son Sam. For us to be educated, both my husband and I have to enroll together so what do we do with son Sam for six weeks of weekends?

The second time we enrolled for foster care training to foster-to-adopt a toddler or young child from the LA foster care system, there is no excuse. I bailed. I stopped planning on going. Not son Sam, or husband Darrin or anyone but me. I got a great contract job and had to travel for a few months, so I got out of it again.

Causing some friction in the marriage that I am waffling pout of taking this classes. Too busy, so terrifying, what if we get a freaky kid that harms our bio son? What if we get this emotionally scarred kid and cannot give her back? What f she ruins our life? You have to be so brave to take an older kid from foster care, but there are so many older children that need our help.

For advice I looked into the Federal government programs for foster care kids to find out real stats on how many children have been abused, sexually abused, etc. The stats are it will likely happen to kids older than 11:

“In some cases, you will not be certain that abuse has occurred, but you may suspect it. You may even be exploring becoming a foster or adoptive parent to a child in the foster care system; many of these children have been abused or neglected—physically, emotionally, or sexually—before coming into care. You may feel confused, frightened, and unsure of the impact the sexual abuse of a child may have on your child and family. It is important for you to understand that the term ‘sexual abuse’ describes a wide range of experiences.

Many factors—including the severity of abuse as well as others discussed later in this fact sheet—affect how children react to sexual abuse and how they recover. Most children who have been abused do not go on to abuse others, and many go on to live happy, healthy, successful lives. As parents, you will play an important role in your child’s recovery from childhood abuse.”

Would you ever adopt an older kid that comes from an abused background? I am having a really tough time.

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3 Adopted Kids Raped and Abused

Friday, August 17th, 2012

When I first discovered this horror house in Ohio and originally reported the abuse of three young kids who not only had been raped by their adopted foster dad, but he prostituted his new kids out and a few of his depraved adult male friends also raped and abused the two young boys and a sister, all under 13.

This is one of those strange and awful true stories that takes on a life of its own, and I received so many comments back from all of the readers of The Adoption Diaries. Below, I offer you two of the most thought-provoking responses to the idea that this foster home was not investigated properly to safeguard these three innocent and wounded children.

This letter from Jeff who was also horrified — like me — that the three kids were living in his house of horror long enough to be adopted. (All three are in new foster homes FYI, and all three rapists will go to jail for a long, long time).

Jeff said, “By no means am I defending this man or the other two involved with this sickness…  But the three men involved  are not the only issue here. Why isn’t anyone holding the private adoption agency accountable?  Where were all the background  check that should have been done repeatedly? And why wasn’t there any mention of social workers doing home visits? Yes, I agree these men should be justly dealt with. But, as you know, our justice system isn’t the best thing going.  We live in a country that has become so relaxed on the issues that should be our biggest concerns and yet those issues that should be our least on the ones that our most looked at.”

And from reader Jamie who’s been in the foster care system in the USA: “This story is very sad but what I didn’t see was the obvious factor, deception. Foster parents are interviewed extensively and, in Illinois anyway, require references, a physical exam, and criminal background checks. The fact of the matter is, a predator can and will hide. Like Sandusky, we are talking about a type of person who has learned for years and years how to play people and say what is needed to get what he wants. There are very few warning signs for these types of people.”

Jamie from Illinois continued, “In Illinois, foster care and adoption workers are required to visit licensed homes at least once a month. They are required to talk to the children alone as well. The only thing that we should focus on and can focus on is what can we do to help. What can we change in the system to make it more stringent?”

Thanks readers, what else can we do to help child abuse in the foster system?

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Siblings Adopted Separately Finally Find Each Other

Monday, August 6th, 2012

A cheerful bus driver from Otswego, Ill. found his long-lost sister this year in a local feel-good story originally reported in the Chicago Sun Times.

Illinois passed a law in November 2011 that allowed those adopted after January 1, 1946, to apply for their birth certificates without consent from birth parents. (The previous year, a law was passed applying to those born before that deadline.)

Since the new law took effect, more than 6,600 Illinois-born adult adoptees have requested a copy of their original birth certificate, according to the Illinois Department of Public Health. Less than 1 percent of birth parents have requested anonymity, which is great news and illustrates the new openess around domestic adoption.

The driver Rick Stadel said his beloved adoptive parents told him he had a sister named Jacqueline. For 20 years, Rick and two half-brothers have been steadily trying to locate her.

The family did a search a few months ago on Ancestory.com, who located the missing Jacqueline. Her name, which had been changed to Lois when she was adopted a s a baby, popped up because she too had registered immediately when the new law went into effect last November.

The back-story is five siblings were born in Mother Cabrini Hospital in Chicago. Catherine, who died at age 61, kept and raised Carmen and Angelo and was married to each of their dads. Lois, Rick and Kathy were eventually placed for adoption.

Rick Stadel and Kathy Brooks — his new sister from Washington State –  both see the resemblance.

Isn’t this a great story?

Do you also have positive adoption news for me? Tell me in Comments below.

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Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff