Posts Tagged ‘
adoption over 35 ’
Monday, December 10th, 2012
While my family waits and sorts through some ambivalent feelings about how shifting our adoption interests from a toddler Indian little girl to a local little boy from the Los Angeles’ County foster care system has actually set us back some months, the real news is we are suddenly very clear on wanting a sibling for Sam.
Adoption preconception is taking our family a really long time.
Because of my investigations into local adoption, I found this alarming statistic from the county. I urge you to think about this stat during the holiday season as you purchase bountiful gifts for your spoiled kids, take family vacations, and play with new toys all month. So many children have no such circumstances. It kills me around this time of year.
International Adoption: Last month during National Adoption Month, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “Over the last 10 years, American families have opened their hearts and homes to more than 200,000 children from other countries. They have given vulnerable children the opportunity to thrive. Families who adopt are enriched by the love of their new children, and the heritage they bring from their birth countries. The State Department is committed to safeguarding the interests of children, birth parents, and adoptive parents worldwide.”
Domestic Adoption: According to national adoption research, in the United States, there are 3,000 children abused each day and four of them will die. (Forty percent of these children were under the age of six.) The age group with the highest abuse rate is 0-3 years.
Nationally, the highest form of abuse is neglect, followed by physical abuse. Some of these reasons make me yearn to adopt a troubled child, and yet I don’t have enough fortitude for it, I’m not that kind of mom. I like things easy…
In stats I found from last year, there were 56,138 children in foster care in California with 13,394 children waiting for adoptive families.
Where are you within your adoption journey? Tell me in the comments below.
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Monday, December 3rd, 2012
Last week a reader said I was limiting my chances of international adoption by minimizing the countries we work with because we’ll only adopt via countries that follow the protective Hague Conventions (India, Russia and more) to protect children internationally from child trafficking, baby stealing and “orphanage tourism.”
Then I read another scary warning story [see international adoption scary scenario below] and I’m gladdened that our family’s international adoption has gone slow and steady through conventional and legal channels at every turn. All told, an international adoption from India will cost about $35,000 and take three years total, but we dragged our feet,
Adoption news: November 8, 2012 the Council on Accreditation (COA) canceled the Hague accreditation of Children of Africa Enterprises Hope Adoption Agency (“Hope”) for failing to maintain substantial compliance with the U.S. accreditation standards at 22 Code of Federal Regulations. Prior to this date, Hope was a Hague accredited adoption service provider authorized to operate in both Hague and non-Hague countries.
As a result of this cancellation, Hope must cease to provide all adoption services in connection with cases covered under the Hague Adoption Convention. This adoption service provider currently operates in Ethiopia. Please note that according to U.S. regulations, this cancellation will not affect Hope’s ability to work in non-Hague countries. Persons with an open case with Hope may contact the adoption service provider directly to find out whether and how the cancellation may affect your adoption services.
Updated info: The government of Chad has also prohibited international adoptions for similar reasons.
Do our homework on the Hague Convention if you are adopting internationally. What’s your adoption story?
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Friday, November 23rd, 2012
I found this great heartwarming local story from the East Coast about adopting on Thanksgiving, and it warms the cockles of my heart. Share with your own family this weekend, and Happy Thanksgiving.
The Rhode Island Family Court finalized the adoptions during a special ceremony held Saturday in Providence. More than 250 people attended the event presided over by Chief Judge Haiganush Bedrosian. He noted that the adoptions occurred Thanksgiving week and told adopting parents that is a perfect time to give thanks for their love for and commitment to the children they adopted.
Highlights from the ceremony include three siblings who were reunited as members of one family. Rhode Island performs about 500 adoptions a year, but about 300 children are still waiting for permanent homes. Teens, sibling groups and children with special needs are the hardest to place. Supreme Court Chief Justice Paul Suttell also participated in Saturday’s celebration.
And then… More Fantastic Adoption News:
One hundred Orange County, Calif., foster care children were legally adopted just in time for Thanksgiving weekend. Even better, many were older kids, transracial teens and sibling groups which are typically much more difficult to place.
Currently, there are 56,138 children in foster care in California with 13,394 children waiting for adoptive families. Please share your happy Thanksgiving adoption stories with me here.
And then, even More Good Adoption News from Haiti:
In previous posts, I groused about being too old and cut out of the international adoption process in the country of Haiti, which was frustrating to my whole family. I received a supportive email from Diana Boni, the Haiti Program Coordinator of All Blessings International, where she told me to keep an open mind. She said, “We cannot change Haitian law regarding adoptive parent eligibility and age or length of marriage, but we will always accept families based upon their ability to parent, not their religious affiliation.
“There are a great many changes occurring in Haitian adoptions right now, but we believe that these changes will lead to a safer, more protected adoption process for the children of Haiti.”
Haiti Program Coordinator
All Blessings International
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Monday, November 19th, 2012
The entire holiday season can be especially tough for families who struggle with issues like adoption, waiting for an international adoption, and also fertility issues. Dr. Jeffrey D. Fisch, Medical Director at the Sher Fertility Institute Las Vegas, offers his stress-reducing methods for all members of the waiting family.
He said, “So much of the season centers around family and children. It can be hard for waiting couples to be around other people’s kids when they are having trouble starting their own family.”
Here are five simple steps to help make the holiday season a time of anticipation and joy instead of anxiety and sadness:
1. Be proactive. Take charge of your own plans for the holidays–don’t overbook but don’t leave time to dwell on an empty nest, either. If you are having trouble conceiving on your own, speak to your physician or to a fertility specialist. If already in the process of adopting, but not yet successful, make a plan for the future to give you the strength to face the challenges of the season.
2. Keep busy. The less time you have to obsess about why it hasn’t worked yet, the better you will feel. Too much time online might not be a good thing. Get outside and be active. Increasing exercise and optimal health practices (ie: get enough sleep, do yoga for stress relief, etc) and eat healthfully.
3. Volunteer. This time of year many organizations need help. A small contribution of your time can help you feel useful and help to brighten someone else’s holiday. Thinking of others will take your mind and energy off of worrying about your own unfulfilled dream. Think “karma,” because if you do good things for others, good things will come to you, says Dr. Fisch.
4. Pamper yourself. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. At this time of year, remember that you deserve to be happy even if you are not pregnant yet. Treat yourself to a massage or to something special. Travel with your partner while you can; it gets harder once you have children.
5. Enjoy what you have. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time focused on the good things in our lives and on those close to us.
Give thanks for the friendships and family you do sustain all year long. Tell us in the comments below how you’re doing with your adoption this holiday season.
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Monday, November 12th, 2012
When I disclosed that my small perfect Los Angeles family would prefer to adopt internationally, many of you weighed in with Comments about domestic adoption instead: it’s cheaper, takes a shorter amount of time and allows your adopted child to know its birth parents. But… what if I don’t want my new kid to know her own birth parents? What if they are awful people?
Than, a brilliant letter from author Lori Holden, who just finished writing “The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole” (available from Rowman & Littlefield 2013). She allows us to read excerpts below or on her site. And she discusses the pros and cons of open adoption far better than I ever could — she just went through a successful domestic, open adoption. With love and care.
Part 1 and Adoption Letter from Lori. I’ll add Part 2 from Lori on Friday — stay tuned to The Adoption Diaries.
“In listening to people from all walks of adoption (adoptive parents, first parents, adult adoptees) while researching and writing my book, the prime fear I hear from adopting parents is that they’ll never be considered the ‘real’ parent. That they feel like as much distance as possible needs to be put between their newly-formed family and the not-so-convenient spare parent out there ready and wanting to rapaciously take over.
This fear is at the root of much dysfunctional thinking and acting in open adoption relationships. But though simple awareness of that fear, it can be examined and resolved.
Often, such fear causes people to come from a place of Either/Or thinking. Either WE are the “real” parents or THEY are. Either we can legitimately claim the child or they can. In the old days of closed adoption, the child could scarcely even think about his other parents without it feeling like a betrayal. US?….or THEM??? (Cue ominous and sinister music.)
But this type of thinking is like splitting the baby. Remember that Solomon tale? The wise king knew how to tease out the “real” mother when two women came to him claiming the same baby. When his “solution” was to split the baby in half, thereby sharing it with both claimants, the “real” mother would be the one to do whatever it takes to keep the baby whole and well, even if it meant loss to her.
Tune in on Friday for Part 2: An Adoption Letter from Lori.
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