Posts Tagged ‘
adoptin over 35 ’
Friday, March 23rd, 2012
All over the country, couples are postponing parenthood. Birth rates for women in their thirties and forties have in- creased and for men over age forty-five, rates have increased by almost 20 percent since 1980. According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report, the birthrate for women 45 and over more than doubled between 1990 and 2002.
Latecomers: Children of Parents Over 35, a book by Andrew Yarrow reported the results of research of adults who grew up with older parents. He wrote that children benefit from having parents who are mature and experienced adults, and who can provide more stability and attention than younger parents.
Older adopters may have difficulty in finding an agency in their area that will accept them for a home study (pre-adoption preparation) from a licensed agency, which is mandated by federal law.
You need to be prepared for questions about your health; have the physician whom does your health exam make a comment on your expected longevity. If you have a chronic health problem, this doesn’t eliminate you, as long as you are under medical care and are faithful in following the required regimen. An agency must be sure the new child would not have to face another “loss” in the near future.
Here’s my quick Pro and Con list of older parenting:
Pro
Steadier finances
Better decision-making
Less selfish and work-obsessed
Con
Exhausting!
Too exhausting.
Rare sex. (Have I mentioned I’m exhausted?)
According to Yarrow’s book on older parents who adopt or foster children:
1. Children of older parents had an ever-present fear (even when they were young) for the health of their parents.
2. As young married couples, these children had to become caretakers of aging parents while the parents of their contemporaries were still very active. They were also caring for their own young children at the same time.
3. As children they knew their parents were wiser than other parents who had children when in their 20s. Some mentioned that today’s older parents are much more health conscious, and have more interest in staying on a healthy diet, not smoking, and exercising regularly, than those of previous generations.
Interesting, right? Tell me your adoption story here, Granny.
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Monday, March 19th, 2012
If you’ve tuned in lately, you’ll know my family was deciding between a domestic adoption locally in Los Angeles (less expensive, less time to wait) versus pursuing an international adoption, more specifically an Indian daughter who’d likely be age 3-5. We’d have to wait approximately two years to meet her — that’s if we could cough up the initial $12,000 – $15,000 in agency fees, immigration paperwork, etc.
We go back and forth between the process and cons of domestic adoption versus international adoption and what we always come back to is: A needy child is a needy child.
Many Adoption Age-Related Laws
We were ruled out automatically from China, Thailand and other Asian countries when we started the adoption process. A strict compilation from several Chinese agencies state, “Both the husband and wife must be at least 30 years old and under age 50. If adopting a special needs child, both must be between the ages of 30 and 55.
Also from China, “Both the husband and wife must be physically and mentally fit and must not have any of the following conditions:
- AIDS
- Mental disability
- Infectious disease that is actively contagious
- Blind in one or both eyes or wearing a prosthetic eye
- Hearing loss in both ears or loss of language function; those adopting children with hearing or language function loss are exempt if they have the same conditions
- Non-function or dysfunction of limbs or trunk caused by impairment, incomplete limb, paralysis or deformation
- Severe facial deformation
- Severe diseases that require long-term treatment and that affect life expectancy, including malignant tumors, lupus, nephrosis, epilepsy
- Major organ transplant within ten years;
- Schizophrenia
- Obesity
To pursue an international infant adoption, consider countries that are more flexible concerning the age of the adopting parents:Korean, India, some Latin American countries, Russia, and Bulgaria.
Adopters who are flexible in the age of the child they wish to adopt will receive a quicker placement. This means saying you’ll consider a “baby” up to age 2, a sibling group where one is very young, or can accept a child with a mild to moderate physical problem that can be corrected or helped considerably in the U.S. (If the child stays in the orphanage, her chance of receiving medical care is slim.)
Which adoption do you think we’re going to choose? Domestic vs. international? Tell me your happy adoption story here:
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Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
Our Parents Magazine reader, Marni from Philadelphia, wrote to me about her family’s adoption experience. I hope everyone feels just as inspired about this international adoption as I do!
Marni wrote, ” Our daughter Reby — full name Meskerem — came home from Ethiopia in October. We also have a biological son, Elijah, who will be 4 in May. I’m 30 and my husband Joe is 35.”
After studying several opportunities for international toddler adoption, Marni and her family chose to adopt from Ethiopia for several reasons. She said, “The government seemed to be doing a better job than most countries of regulating adoptions, especially in a country where there are literally millions of orphans.
We have spent some time in Africa, although not in Ethiopia specifically, and have always felt a tie to the continent. Ethiopians place a high premium on family, tradition, and warmth in the home, which are values that we also hold dear. We were excited to become a multiracial family and to learn more about our daughter’s culture and history, which is so unique.”
How Long Does an Ethiopian Adoption Take?
The length of their paperwork-heavy international adoption took about the average, from all research and estimates I could find, about 26 months total. Marni said, From the time we submitted our initial application to the time that Remy came home for good from Ethiopia, the process was about 26 months.”
Tune in on Friday when Mari describes how long she had to wait to finally hold her toddler daughter, and how heartbreaking it felt to watch the calendar tick by without Remy. Remy and Elijah at right!
Straff Family Update: In many countries abroad, such as India, you may never meet your future child at all until the day you literally pick them up from an orphanage. You receive a photo, often not even an online photo, and you go by that picture , following your heart, for nearly two years. My husband Darrin and I have now narrowed our international search down to India.
More on that next week!
Photo at right: Elijah and Remy her first week home
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Friday, February 17th, 2012
Part 2: Denise Imbesi finally traveled to an orphanage outside Delhi this past summer to finalize adoption proceedings for her 4-year-old daughter Jaya who she had never met or even spoken to — the match was done via photograph!
When Denise walked into the clean and orderly orphanage, she saw over 50 kids crammed into one huge room with everything they own in one small box. Her new daughter was finally led out, looked scared and wearing too-tight clothes and dirty shoes. Jaya was in shock and frightened, she was petrified but she warmed up quickly and she began saying “mama” and she fell asleep in Denise’s arms within 15 minutes of holding her for the first time.
Denise said, “We found out the hard way Jaya was never potty trained and she began crying, India was overwhelming for her. Jaya was carsick, she’d never been in a car before. The trip home was trying for her but her life is better than it ever could be.
Now it’s been 7 months she came to Florida and Jaya only speaks English! Denise said, “For two months it was difficult but we stuck it out and I had a lot of patience and love for her. We hugged continuously for literally months and she always knew she was loved very much.”
Denise said, “My daughter is loving, smart, so happy and amazing. This kid does not cry. She is very healthy and animated and social.”
The new mom also said, “Jaya has been in pre-K since September and she loves it — already has best friends. She is learning the language and how to thrive in the USA. Denise said, “Our food did not agree with her to digestive system and her foundation for nutrition is still beans and Indian lentils, but she tries other food. We go to Indian restaurants each week and she feels immediately at home with the cuisine.
Now I cannot imagine my life without her. Biggest surprise about motherhood? How much time it takes to put her to bed and maintaining the ultra-consistency of her life so she stays calm. We are very happy and loving with her at all times, calm and patient.
ADVICE: These kids need a home and desperately need parental love. Jaya is very bright and happy. I did the best thing! She is mine 100% since this started; I feel like I gave birth to her and I cannot love her more.”
Denise Imbesi is the Founder, CEO and visionary behind the fitness music brand Muscle Mixes Music. Denise co-parents Jaya with her partner of 4 years, Sara Barone and live in Orlando, Florida. Tell me your adoption story here!
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Wednesday, February 15th, 2012
My friend Denise Imbesi began thinking about and then preparing for an international adoption nearly four years ago! She was single (at the time) and always wanted to be a mom. She is also a successful business owner and funded the nearly $20,000 ($10,000 plunked down to start).
She also highly recommends her Indian Agency/ IFS India Family Services because they ushered her painlessly through the process for two years!
She said, “They expained costs and paperwork along the way, and, yes, it felt like a big chunk of change to lay out with nothing to show for it for the first year or so, but the end product is worth it”
Denise went to India July 4th to pick up her 4-year-old daughter who she’s been trying to adopt for 2 years. She spent one week in India finalizing immigration, visa, etc. Denise said, “I was a nervous wreck and began crying the second I walked into the orphanage outside of Delhi. It was a beautiful building, clean and neat, with Mickey Mouse on the walls. There were 50+ orphans sleeping and living in one huge room, most of them girls under four. That was pretty sad because they had no parents but all seemed well-tended.
Jaya, 4 years old, looked so scared and she was wearing too-tight clothes and dirty shoes. She was in shock and frightened, she was petrified but she warmed up quickly and she began saying “mama” pretty quickly, and she fell asleep in Denise’s arms within 15 minutes of me holding her for the first time.”
“We stayed with our Indian liaison who told us everything to do to make her feel better. I toured her room of 50 beds lined up and some were cribs and some were obviously special needs kids, India’s special needs kids among the healthiest ones.
All the little kids were praying and saying ‘Namaste,’ and then the following day we took her through legal proceedings, filed final papers and took her to the hotel. Jaya spoke only Hindi and communication was difficult for the first few days. Lots of gesturing.”
Denise and her partner Sara found out the hard way that Jaya at 4 was never potty trained and she began crying as they left the only home she’d ever known. “Jaya was carsick, she’d never been in a car before. The trip home was trying for her but her life is better than it ever could ever be in India.”
Photo above: The first moment adoptive mother Denise (in white at right) met her new daughter, Jaya!
Tune in on Friday when Denise realizes that Jaya does not speak a single work of English!
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