Posts Tagged ‘ adoptin over 35 ’

Foster Kids Abused Before Arriving at Your Home

Monday, August 20th, 2012

If you’ve tuned in lately, you know that my family is enrolled to take a 24-hour foster care training course via the Los Angeles Country family and foster care services here in Calif. You may recall that the first time we enrolled, we had to back out because six weeks of 4-hour courses were held on Saturdays which makes it hard to finish since we have our Bio son Sam. For us to be educated, both my husband and I have to enroll together so what do we do with son Sam for six weeks of weekends?

The second time we enrolled for foster care training to foster-to-adopt a toddler or young child from the LA foster care system, there is no excuse. I bailed. I stopped planning on going. Not son Sam, or husband Darrin or anyone but me. I got a great contract job and had to travel for a few months, so I got out of it again.

Causing some friction in the marriage that I am waffling pout of taking this classes. Too busy, so terrifying, what if we get a freaky kid that harms our bio son? What if we get this emotionally scarred kid and cannot give her back? What f she ruins our life? You have to be so brave to take an older kid from foster care, but there are so many older children that need our help.

For advice I looked into the Federal government programs for foster care kids to find out real stats on how many children have been abused, sexually abused, etc. The stats are it will likely happen to kids older than 11:

“In some cases, you will not be certain that abuse has occurred, but you may suspect it. You may even be exploring becoming a foster or adoptive parent to a child in the foster care system; many of these children have been abused or neglected—physically, emotionally, or sexually—before coming into care. You may feel confused, frightened, and unsure of the impact the sexual abuse of a child may have on your child and family. It is important for you to understand that the term ‘sexual abuse’ describes a wide range of experiences.

Many factors—including the severity of abuse as well as others discussed later in this fact sheet—affect how children react to sexual abuse and how they recover. Most children who have been abused do not go on to abuse others, and many go on to live happy, healthy, successful lives. As parents, you will play an important role in your child’s recovery from childhood abuse.”

Would you ever adopt an older kid that comes from an abused background? I am having a really tough time.

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USA and Russia Regulate International Adoptions

Wednesday, August 15th, 2012

Adoption relations began to fray long before the headline-grabbing news in 2010 about a young American mother who was so terrified and traumatized her newly adopted Russian child, that she sent the pale 7-year-old back to Russia on a plane on a one-way ticket with a short note pinned to his coat!

So shame on Tory Hansen for returning the kid so gracelessly but two years later she is still in legal wranglings about it. The boy’s new Russian foster home (who said he was traumatized by his adoptive mother and the failed adoption) may be entitled to financial payments from this poor mother who got shafted out of an adopted child and then still has to pay for him.

You can tell I’m torn on the subject.

In my humble opinion, Russian adoption agencies may have overlooked some very neurotic or dangerous behavior because they wanted to find the boy a home so badly. But the adoptive mother claims in court papers that the wayward child she was handed had no business being adopted, she was unprepared to handle a child with deep psychological scars. The mom was afraid for her own life at night; he was creepy.

According to one Russian children study, over 100,000 Russian children have been adopted by US parents. At least 19 of them were killed by their new families within past decade, and some adoption charities put the number who died of illness or accidents at 40.

“We realize this agreement is not ideal, but it gives more grounds and starting points for cooperation with our US partners to avoid recurrence of a series of tragic events related to adopted children from Russia,” Deputy Foreign Minister Sergey Ryabkov said. The agreement was signed by US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov on July, 13, 2011.

Tell me your adoption story here in Comments below:

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Why Does Adoption Take So Long?

Monday, July 30th, 2012

After 12 months of personalized research between international adoption (more specifically, a young daughter from India) and doing all my research, I find that the average the time it takes to adopt a toddler via international adoption from the countries we looked at (Haiti, Russia and India) is two years. On the other hand, I now know families that have registered with the county — in these cases Los Angeles Country — taken all their training hours and been placed on foster-to-adopt lists in under a year.

Waiting less than a year for an adoption is more like it.

Has anyone out there been able to speed up the international adoption process? I realize that it’s quicker to adopt an Indian daughter if you are Indian and live nearly anywhere. It also helps to possess wads of adoption cash.

Domestically, I spoke to a single dad of two adopted American children and although he won’t go on the record (he is a gay dad who had to lie about his partner throughout the Home Study and adoption paperwork) this gay did swears that the second adoption only took a few months because everyone knew he was ready to plunk down $80,000 for a perfect little blond, Caucasian newborn.

(Off the record, this dad told me that his first adoption of a transracial child — also a private adoption via birth mother and attorneys — took much longer than adoption number two. He confirms that thick bank accounts can speed your process along.)

Over the last decade, U.S. families have adopted on average approximately 20,000 children from foreign nations each year.

Generally speaking, to qualify as an adoption for immigration purposes, the adopted child has the same rights and privileges as a child by birth (such as inheritance rights, etc.). “Simple”, “conditional”, or “limited” adoptions are more accurately described as guardianship and are not considered adoptions for U.S. immigration purposes.

The Hague Convention establishes important standards and safeguards to protect intercountry adoptions. These protections apply to you if you choose to adopt from a country that is also party to the Convention. Your adoption will be known as a Convention Adoption. It will be important early on to determine if you wish to pursue a Convention adoption, and you do, trust me you do.

How long should it honestly take to adopt a child in need? Tell me what you think here:

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Adoption Penalty for Giving an Abused Child Back. Fair?

Monday, June 11th, 2012

international adoption, sexual abuse child abuseTwo different international adoption follow-up stories continue to intrigue me, and I’d love to start the conversation for prospective parents of international children.

In 2010, when a single Tennesee mother returned her newly adopted Russian son, she had her reasons and was misled by an international adoption agency about the mental fitness of her child. After waiting years and begin trained in foster care and falling in love with a child from afar, and paying big bucks, you better know something was drastically wrong with that boy.

Courts are deciding if this adoptive mother should pay the boy child support until he turns 18. The thin pale boy presently lives in a group home and is reportedly doing well. I think that mom was misled and that the international agency should pay heartily.

Why do some international adoptions fail?

Here is the second story of international adoption, which both intrigues me for the vaguest of details. And yet it makes me so sad for the adoptive author mom and her two kids from Ethiopia, who all had such high hopes of international adoption of teenagers, which is difficult to begin with, and many teen adoptees have suffered great abuse.

At the age of 56, novelist Joyce Maynard adopted two Ethiopian girls, ages 6 and 11, whose mother had died from an AIDS-related illness. Maynard supposedly planed on writing about the adoption and their international travels together. Pretty cool.

Less than a year later, however, Maynard found another American family to take over the care and feeding of the sisters. She recently updated her fascinating blog, and I commend the artist on her ballsy honesty through a potentially torturous situation for all. I totally understand her, and sympathize with the situation.

Do you?

Last month Maynard wrote a letter to her followers explaining her long absence. In that email, she acknowledged that “there was no shortage of love or care—and despite some very happy and good times—the adoption failed.”

Tell me your adoption story here.

 

 

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Sexual Abuse of Young Children in Foster Care

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

Faithful reader of The Adoption Diaries, reader Amy was absolutely horrified by this post we ran last month about a new foster-adoptive single father who not only raped his three new adopted children (ages 9 – 13 boys and girls), but he prostituted the kids out to his friends as well. This article made many of you physically ill. Me too.

So Amy then did more digging for me on credible instances where older children in an adoptive (or foster) family do abuse the younger children in the home, whether those younger children are, in fact,  biological children or other, younger foster kids.

Amy said she found a research paper from 2003 about how up to half of all child abuse in foster care situations is performed by older kids who’ve seen far too much trouble in foster care. She said, “Up to 50 percent of those who sexually abuse children are under the age of 18 themselves.”

– Hunter, J.A., Figueredo, A., Malamuth, N.M., & Becker, J.V. (2003). Juvenile sex offenders: Toward the Development of a typology. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, (2003) Volume 15, No. 1.

When the Sexual Predator is Another Child

It is terrible that sex abuse at home occurred when an older new foster brother (a teenager) was brought into the foster parents home and he ended up sexually molesting their 9-year-old. Ugh. While it is commendable that a family would foster a 17-year-old male who lives with younger children (boys or girls), it raises questions too.

Amy said to me, “I have to wonder what they were thinking.  And, what was the private adoption agency thinking? Did they not know that a 9-year-old biological daughter was in that house?

This happens not only with a non-family foster placement, but also with bio-related children being placed with family members who have young children.  The most recent case I heard was of a 7 -year-old sexually assaulting his 5-year-old cousin.

Amy said, “I think that in the foster care system,  any foster parent, whether bio-related or not, should have an idea of the history of the child being placed and the potential risk. Some children should simply not be placed in a house with other children. And I think you need to be just as wary about older children who can gain access to children via the parents running an in-home daycare.”

Ditto, Amy, thanks for sharing on The Adoption Diaries. Does anyone know a great story about a healthy mixing of bio kids and foster children? I’d love to hear it!

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