My Gay Friends Want to Adopt, Too

Adoption is hard enough on prospective parents, but if you are gay, I’d say it’s triple tough and in many places across the world, you cannot openly adopt if you’re gay and living with your openly gay spouse. To me, that’s sounds old-fashioned and slightly barbaric to me.

I mean… People who do not believe in same-sex parents who should be legally able to adopt are simply religious zealots, are they not? I mean, why wouldn’t you want two healthy grownups not to adopt a poor, homeless kid?

My gay friends have a much more difficult time even slogging through the endless paperwork (we’re all in our forties) and successful, in long-term relationships. And our gay friend-couples can certainly afford an international adoption (better than my family) that tops off at $35,000 – $50,000.

In the past, and perhaps in some areas of the country still today, gay couples have lied in order to adopt. Usually with one partner adopting and the other pretending to be a roommate or a friend. But it is necessary to realize the importance of honesty when adopting. It is legal to omit information, it is not legal to lie when asked a specific question. But lying in this instance is considered fraud and may be cause an adoption to be aborted, so to speak.

It’s more common for one partner to adopt and then for the second to apply as the second parent, or co-parent. Second parent adoptions creates a second legally recognized parent.

According to stats I found from The Williams Institute at UCLA Law School, this is the only way for gay couples to both become legal parents of their children. Second parent adoptions have been granted by the courts in twenty-one states.

On CBS News the other night, I gleefully watched Republican candidate Mitt Romney back-pedal from his original support of gay adoption last year. Now that conservatives are on his tail about his religious conservatism, Romney told the anchor how his “opposition to same-sex marriage ‘squared’ with his support for gay adoptions.”

How do you figure, Mitt?

Romney said, “… I think all states but one allow gay adoption, so that’s a position which has been decided by most of the state legislators, including the one in my state some time ago. So I simply acknowledge the fact that gay adoption is legal in all states but one.”

The Williams Institute, which analyzed the Census Bureau, showed that only 8,310 adopted children were living with same-sex couples in 2000, but the number grew to about 32,571 in 2009. The study suggests that almost half of gay families had adopted children from foster care. Amazing.

Are you for or against same-sex couples openly adopting children in need? Tell me in Comments below.

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Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff
  1. by tammy

    On July 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

    I am all for gay people having the same rights as straight people.

    It blows my mind that there are people out there that would rather have a bunch of homeless children than provide them with two loving parents that want to give them a stable, healthy and loving home.

  2. by Michelle

    On July 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I am not against same sex couples adoptiong. However, the issue is more complicated than you address. First of all internationally, single women can adopt, not single men. Thus, straight or gay, men can not adopt internationally ,in general, unless married to a woman. Thus, the article could falsely lead gay men to believe that by ommitting the truth they have this option to adopt internationally and they do not. They need to look domestically.

    And second, you are placing your American standards on these international countries. It’s their children and they have the right to decide who should adopt their children just as Americans we decide who should adopt our children. Or more accurately who should not – for whatever reason.( Would you like another country to set their standards on our adoption practices. ) We may not agree with their reasons and find them “barbaric” ( your word) but its their cultural norms. Furthermore, I often wonder about the children. I wonder in the sense that all of the gay people who lied to be parents and adopted internationally (and it has been possible to do it domestically without having to lie for at least 10-15 years, although you might have to leave your state as not all states are equal even today), what does it mean if the children do a homeland visit or have a reunion with their birth parents? Are the children now forced to lie to the birth parents and or foster parents about their 2 moms? Why do the kids have to be put in this position for the adults’ desires? Especially when the adults can solve their parenting desires in the States. Isn’t the focus suppose to be about the children?

  3. by Passerby

    On August 14, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Michelle, that was a wonderful and insightful comment. As to weather the children would have to lie if they one day visit their birth families, no, they would not. Once the adoption has been well and truly finalized, neither country can step in and undo it. Even if a parent was found to have lied about something material, like say a child abuse conviction, that adopted child is legally theirs with a new birth certificate and everything and are solely a US citizen after adoption. At most the parent could be in trouble with US authorities for the lie, but their adoption would at no point be at risk. Once adopted, the child could only be taken by the government under the same circumstances a natural child could be.