Adopting a Child for Your Child: Right or Wrong?
My husband is neatly clipping magazine spreads of bouncy bow-haired Asian toddlers. Seems he has his heart set on a little girl, a baby. But we briefly talked to two other parents about their excruciating long waits for Chinese newborns. I don’t want to wait years to adopt kid number 2.
I am definitely considering adoption in a firmer way this month because I had one recurring, horrid thought: What happens if our only child Sam, dies?
Any way to recover? You’ve considered it, right? The only reason I might force myself to carry on in a universe without Sam Straff is through caring for another child. But that’s a selfish reason to adopt, isn’t it?
More importantly, what if Darrin and I perish in a fiery blaze off the Pacific Coast Highway during especially obnoxious rush hour? Who would lead Sam through devastation? Friends and family would step in to supply Sam with a home and clean clothes…
… but who could heal my baby’s heart?
Today, I cannot imagine living my own past without my own sister, Lisa. She’s 11 months younger than me and for all the years I grew up I never had a notion of being without her. For years, we have spoken in a sibling shorthand that nothing can replace. My sister, who holds Long Distance Aunt status, helps me write my own history. Helps me jump over life hurdles, and giggle with me when I finally fall flat on my face. She also shoots from the hip and tells me when I’m off base.
My younger sister Lisa remembers things I simply cannot; she fills in my blanks. That sibling relationship is a gift worth giving to my son, whether or not we finally choose to adopt internationally.
Weigh in: Is adopting a child for your own existing child a very selfish reason to adopt? What do you think is the best reason to adopt a child from another country or even right here in the USA?
Caption: Aunt Lisa with Sam Straff, 5 months