Your Smart Reasons to Adopt this Year

adoption diaries, older parentsBefore you ask (and you will ask — everybody does), I did not have trouble conceiving our son, Sam. I was working at a job I adored  Organic Spa Magazine and I was in love with my newish fiancee (then a screenwriter in Los Angeles) when everyone — from my gyno to my mother-in-law — began beseeching us to start trying to get pregnant due to my “advanced maternal age.”

Well, well, surprise. Take that advanced maternal age! First month out of the gate, well past my 35th birthday.

Tough subject, I know. I have universal respect for women friends in their thirties and forties who have never been able to get pregnant at all; I understand (a little) how much that sucks.  Two of my best friends cannot get pregnant still.

But I now take pleasure in my work, I gleefully pedal my beach cruiser, hike with my dog, I enjoy this “me time” I carved out with only one kiddo. (Yes, I do admit it: I also like my stomach toned and flat again.)

Which is why I have doubts about adoption, even though my son and my husband are inspired, enthusiastic and totally gung-ho about filling our home with another.

When do you know you are ready to adopt? Fiscally and emotionally, that is.

I have one healthy, perfect child. Why tempt fate? Also, I’m getting my period twice a month these days and my doctor agrees….  Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes! I dare to face the strange changes.

My hormones are moving on. Would you be an older parent like me if you adopted this year? I’m over 40 — is this one reason why I should not adopt? I think so! I need your input, so please comment!

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Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff
  1. by Rachel

    On June 8, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    I am a single mother of 3. I’m 30 years old and I will never birth another child. I totally understand “me time” and the love of a flat tummy (had this after giving birth to the first, but haven’t seen it since).

    I think that there are other things to consider besides a comfortable life for yourself with plenty of balance. Things like do you have the capacity to love a child that NEEDS to be loved? In the grand scheme of the universe will you leave a more significant impact on this planet based on the work that you are paid for or based on the work that no one thanks you for?

    Personally I have chosen to live the life I have. Which means I got pregnant 3 times and I chose to have all three babies. There are women out there who for whatever reasons do not choose to be mothers. Their choice leaves our society with a disparity between children who need mommies and women who desire to be those mommies. The children are waiting on families to chose to love them simply because they were born. Now, the biggest question that any potential parent has to answer is, which one will you chose?

  2. by Sarah

    On June 8, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    I’m really sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is heart-wrenching. I hope you can find time for you and your family to heal before you really consider adoption. Adopting is a beautiful thing, something I hope to do someday. Giving a child a home and a family to love them is probably the greatest gift a person can give and I would imagine that even if it required the loss of “me time” (for a while) and a lot of sacrifice and hard work, you would never regret it because you changed a life.
    I’m sorry for your other post about a dog vs a kid because I feel like you wrote that more out of your hurt than out of a true feeling about the situation. It was distasteful and unsympathetic to adoptive parents and children and I would recant if I were you.
    I hope that you and your husband can come to a peaceful decision about this and that you follow your heart and not trivialize the situation out of hurt.

  3. by Linda

    On June 8, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    Don’t tempt fate. Raising a stranger’s child is not even close to raising your own biological child. As an adoptee who had ap’s that went on to have their own child, I can tell you it was brutal for me. Seeing the bond they had with their own child, seeing their natural born similarities, sucked, and threw my losses right in my face every day. Don’t adopt. It’s not fair to the adoptee, and it;s not fair to YOUR child.

  4. by Ashley

    On June 12, 2011 at 11:28 am

    There is no fate to tempt, only a wonderful opportunity to grow as a parent and as a person! If someone had a bad experience as an adopted child, that just means that their parents should have been more fair and equal parents to both kids! Not every situation is like that!

    I would leap at the chance to give a child a home where it will be loved and wanted and cherished. If we don’t adopt, these children spend their lives feeling unwanted and uncared for. How fair is that? I had both parents around (luckily) but still experienced the feeling of knowing neither parent was capable or interested in being their best as a mother or father. As much as I’m sure I could have children naturally, I want my children to know that theyre special and loved beyond a doubt.

    Also, I can completely sympathize with you wanting to keep your figure! I have seventeen hours worth of tattoos that do NoT need to be stretched hahaha

    Whyever your reasons are, I commend your heart’s generosity and your giving, unselfish nature :)