Infertility and Adoption, Make the Decision!

baby shower adoption diariesThere are four of us, you’ve probably heard us cackling at the Los Angeles Museum of Art, sipping wine near the Rodin Statue Garden. All members of the media: two writers, a marketing maven and one hot PR chick. We get together monthly (or so) to gossip and motivate each other to try that new belly dancing class, or debate the need for Four Square.

Going around the table, on our second glass of  Chablis, I tell my tribe about this exciting adoption-blogging gig for Parents.com. As PR chick launches into a social media plan for Tweeting all week long — generous friends — I happen to look across at *Barbara sitting opposite me.

She is sitting over a half-eaten stuffed jalapeno with tears streaking down her pale face.

Barbara has been trying to get pregnant with her husband for six years. She had health complications and by the time doctors cleared up down below, well, she’s nearly 50.

I am the first to notice Barbra’s hand cupping her tears like a goblet, like a precious offering at the dinner table.

“We’re not going to adopt,” she tells us in a rush. While her husband was willing to take fertility tests, shoot her in the ass with sickening hormones every day, and all that waiting waiting waiting, he is finally not open to adoption. He says looking into adoption now, after all the other infertility disappointments, is just too much.

He says the baby longing and the crushing disappointments are too hard on their marriage. “She’s dying,” he says of his wife.

Tonight over tapas, Barbara says in a too-calm tone: “I can’t talk about this anymore. Let’s move the conversation onward.” It sounded like she is blandly discussing a 401K bond. We all look around the table and fight for control; we’ve been getting no baby updates from our friend for years now.

We all finally raise our glasses to toas. To Barbara. To moving on.

But I cannot help myself. I finally say, “Barbara, you would have been the most absolutely, fucking amazing mother.”

She stops crying.

We drink.

Join me next week where we discuss how infertility and adoption intertwine.

Add a Comment
Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff
  1. by Paula schuck

    On July 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    This saddens me always when people opt not to adopt. I know it is a personal choice.

    There are so many kids waiting. Babies to teens. Inwod adopt 10 more times. It was the best thing we ever did. I am not judging your friend. Many of our friend’s struggling with infertility made the same choice. Yet another told me I would have kept trying until I died. But dr finally asked her – do you
    want to be pregnant or do you want to be a parent. Parenthood won and now they have two beautiful kids.

    Paula
    @inkscrblr

  2. by Nicole Dorsey

    On July 30, 2011 at 9:27 am

    SO good to keep in mind Paula, thanks!

  3. by Courtney

    On August 24, 2011 at 12:42 am

    I feel for your friend; that was me 3 years ago. At the age of 33 I was done with pills, shots, ultrasounds, and walking out of the doctor’s office fighting tears after each failed course of treatment. My husband was pro adoption and I was just done. Done with disappointment and the longing to be a mom, I told him to forget it. I did not want to raise a baby that wasn’t mine.

    I am so glad I changed my mind. We went through our states foster to adopt program an actually had newborn twin boys placed with us within 2 months. Our case is like a fairy tale – we will finalize our adoption in November when the boys are just 10 months old. The norm is 2 years from placement to finalization.

    I love these boys like they are mine and am so glad I opened my heart to this; I cannot even imagine my life without them now.

  4. by detectives privados argentina

    On November 10, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different website and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to checking out your web page for a second time.

  5. by sears clean

    On November 13, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    advertising

  6. by ashley madison feedback

    On November 14, 2011 at 12:35 am

    As well as thanks for clarifying this. I will keep on a lookout for your upcoming blog posts. The style you’ve got here’s awesome. Keep clean and serving up high-quality.

  7. by seo utah

    On November 14, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Can I share some links with copyright content on twitter?

  8. by service dog certification

    On November 15, 2011 at 1:10 am

    Hey! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any solutions to prevent hackers?

  9. by Roger Wittstock

    On November 15, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Hi, Neat post. There is a problem with your web site in web explorer, might check thisˇK IE still is the market chief and a big component to other folks will miss your excellent writing due to this problem.

  10. by Lester Dumphy

    On November 15, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    How do you get your blog published on the Amnesty International site?

  11. by Annett Caughey

    On November 16, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Someone necessarily help to make critically articles I’d state. That is the first time I frequented your website page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this actual submit amazing. Wonderful activity!

  12. by Odell Eardley

    On November 17, 2011 at 4:53 am

    F*ckin¡¦ awesome issues here. I am very satisfied to see your post. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to touch you. Will you please drop me a mail?

  13. by coffee addict

    On November 17, 2011 at 4:58 am

    Its superb as your other blog posts : D, thanks for putting up. “The present is the necessary product of all the past, the necessary cause of all the future.” by Robert Green Ingersoll.

  14. by CHF Life Expectancy

    On November 17, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    I like this blog so much, saved to fav. “Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.” by Peter De Vries.

  15. by Estate Agent west london

    On November 17, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Some truly prime articles on this internet site , bookmarked .

  16. by purple wraath review

    On November 18, 2011 at 1:37 am

    Keep up the great piece of work, I read few posts on this web site and I think that your web blog is really interesting and contains sets of wonderful information.

  17. by 2012

    On November 18, 2011 at 5:47 am

    What classic books should I read to improve my creative writing?

  18. by Jesse Ewan

    On November 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    My partner and I enjoyed reading this write-up, I was just wondering do you trade featured articles or blog posts? I am always in search of someone to make trades with and just thought I would ask.

  19. by Shayna Fogarty

    On November 27, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    Even though doing a search for the phrases that occur to be on this internet page I stumbled on this internet page. I just say I value the delightful details.

  20. by Charles Nagelschmidt

    On November 29, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    We have been a team of volunteers not to mention getting started an innovative system within our neighbourhood. A person’s site available u . s . together with valuable information and facts to work on. You have got achieved a stunning project in addition to our own whole city might be happy for your needs.

  21. by Asley Obholz

    On November 29, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Heya i am now the following. When i found out about the deck so i realize it’s really useful & this forced me to released a lot of. Related to to grant anything at all rear in addition to help other people that you helped me.

  22. by Malcom Tretina

    On November 30, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Great article. I used to be looking continually your blog as well as I am just happy! Highly beneficial details in particular the last thing :) I personally handle many of these advice considerably. We were seeking this valuable individual advice on a period of time. Appreciate it and all the best.

  23. by Anthony Minerd

    On December 5, 2011 at 12:11 am

    My partner and i don’t realize the way i found myself in this article, however assumed the following write-up had been decent. I personally really don’t understand who you are and yet undeniably you have been going to a legendary reddit when you are usually not currently ;) Regards!

  24. by Royal Sellberg

    On December 6, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Amaze, amazing web site page layout! How much time were you blogging for cash to get? you’ll get blogging for cash seem quick. The typical look and feel from your web-site is definitely fantastic, child the material!

  25. by Bryant Vandehey

    On December 7, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Some of the points associated with this write-up are normally high-quality nevertheless had myself asking, did they seriously indicate that? 1 point I have got to say is certainly your publishing skills are quite outstanding and I will be returning back again for any new post you come up with, you could possibly have a brand-new admirer. I saved your site for personal reference.

  26. by Ambrose Kinkaid

    On December 12, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    I have been just studying your site it’s quite well crafted, My organization is looking around on the internet trying to discover the very best way to do this weblog factor and your internet site occurs to be very top quality.

  27. by Thalia Wohlwend

    On December 16, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    I’m speechless. It is a unbelievable blog and very engaging too. Nice work! That is not likely a lot coming from an amateur blogger like me, but it’s all I might assume after having fun with your posts. Nice grammar and vocabulary. In contrast to other blogs. You actually know what you are speaking about too. So much that you made me want to read more. Your blog has become a stepping stone for me, my fellow blogger. Thank you for the detailed journey. I actually loved the 6 posts that I’ve learned so far.

  28. by 21 sextury

    On January 13, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Wow, what a video it is! In fact pleasant quality video, the lesson given in this video is truly informative.

  29. by Tabatha Collins

    On January 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Hello, i feel that i saw you visited my web site thus i came to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find issues to enhance my site!I suppose its adequate to make use of some of your ideas!!

  30. by הובלות בחיפה

    On January 20, 2012 at 3:04 am

    Should you browse the newspaper on occasion, be sure to save all the papers you have so that you can use them as packing material when you move. Padding is actually important to keeping your more delicate objects safe and secure throughout the move. You can also opt for clothes, sheets, or other cushy material to bring along your items.

  31. by הובלות מודיעין

    On January 23, 2012 at 3:26 am

    Stackable boxes really are a must when moving house, irrespective of self-drive van hire or removal company lorry. Sturdy green, recyclable boxes that may be reused repeatedly are the most useful option for frequent house moves as well as for long term storage – regardless of where the home move happens. There is nothing more frustrating than having to reload many times, since the awkward manner in which situations are packed prevent a completely loaded van making one tour and something tour only.

  32. by dududukkkkkkk

    On June 14, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Infertility and Adoption, Make the Decision! | The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff I was suggested this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my difficulty. You’re wonderful! Thanks! your article about Infertility and Adoption, Make the Decision! | The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-StraffBest Regards Craig