Infertility and Adoption, Make the Decision!
There are four of us, you’ve probably heard us cackling at the Los Angeles Museum of Art, sipping wine near the Rodin Statue Garden. All members of the media: two writers, a marketing maven and one hot PR chick. We get together monthly (or so) to gossip and motivate each other to try that new belly dancing class, or debate the need for Four Square.
Going around the table, on our second glass of Chablis, I tell my tribe about this exciting adoption-blogging gig for Parents.com. As PR chick launches into a social media plan for Tweeting all week long — generous friends — I happen to look across at *Barbara sitting opposite me.
She is sitting over a half-eaten stuffed jalapeno with tears streaking down her pale face.
Barbara has been trying to get pregnant with her husband for six years. She had health complications and by the time doctors cleared up down below, well, she’s nearly 50.
I am the first to notice Barbra’s hand cupping her tears like a goblet, like a precious offering at the dinner table.
“We’re not going to adopt,” she tells us in a rush. While her husband was willing to take fertility tests, shoot her in the ass with sickening hormones every day, and all that waiting waiting waiting, he is finally not open to adoption. He says looking into adoption now, after all the other infertility disappointments, is just too much.
He says the baby longing and the crushing disappointments are too hard on their marriage. “She’s dying,” he says of his wife.
Tonight over tapas, Barbara says in a too-calm tone: “I can’t talk about this anymore. Let’s move the conversation onward.” It sounded like she is blandly discussing a 401K bond. We all look around the table and fight for control; we’ve been getting no baby updates from our friend for years now.
We all finally raise our glasses to toas. To Barbara. To moving on.
But I cannot help myself. I finally say, “Barbara, you would have been the most absolutely, fucking amazing mother.”
She stops crying.
Join me next week where we discuss how infertility and adoption intertwine.Add a Comment