Back to School Makes Me So Sad!
When I finally walked my rambunctious 5-year-old Sam into his first day of kindergarten, I was so surprised at how emotional I was, and how calm Sam was, my little guy is growing up.
Sam held my hand tightly though and finally confessed, “Mom, I’m scared by all the kids,” and he let me kiss him up before I was dismissed along with 600 other parents on that first day of public school.
Walking home, I began to pass other families also on their way to work or home and the differences between us were obvious: The happy-looking moms were holding younger kids in their arms, siblings still at home who needed their attention. Other parents did not have the luxury of feeling as heartbroken as me.
My arms are empty all day for the first time in a long, long time.
And now that my biological son Sam is 5, he suddenly wants to hang out with his dad and other kids a whole lot more than he wants to groove with me. This is a new thing for our family — before it was me and Sam against the world!
Now? He’s already closer to six years old than five. Does Sam miss me? Not so much! I stare at the toddlers still hanging on their moms, and I feel empty and sad. Where is my chubby 2-year-old who still thinks I am the moon and the stars? Who needs me more than anything in the world?
Where is she? How can I make my way to her? This weekend, my husband and I are taking another 3-hour foster-to-adopt orientation. We will be the most ready parents to a foster child in the coming months. Stay tuned as we move through our 24 hour of foster training. We start next month!
But before that my empty nest requires at least one more mouth to feed, one more heart to make whole — I still want to adopt another dog.