Part 1: Abused, Adopted Daughter Tells Her Story 

Abby Goetz, 33, was born in Seattle in the summer of 1978. During the pregnancy, Abby’s mother ran away with her new husband (and Abby’snew stepfather) and the little family went to live in Oak Harbor, Wash.

One night, when Abby was just three months old, Abby was left with her new stepfather, alone, for the first time. While her biological mother partied until dawn, Abby’s stepfather beat defenseless Abby until she was near death. With a brain hemorrhage, the tiny tot was airlifted to a major Washington hospital where she remained for another month of intensive care and multiple corrective surgeries.

At four months old, Abby went to live with a foster family in Oak Harbor. And quickly thereafter Abby’s “bio-mom” relinquished her rights and Abby was placed for adoption.

“My foster parents adopted me when I was 18 months old. After the adoption was finalized, we moved to Central Minnesota where I grew up. They were good people! I eventually made a full recovery from my injuries resulting from the abuse and went on to be an honor student and graduate college with a 4.0 GPA,” recounts Abby today.

“When I reached adulthood, I started the process of searching for my biological parents,” Abby explains. It took many years and the help of social services as well as Abby’s “search angel” but today Abby has tracked nearly all of her biological family, and  even attended a family reunion last year.

Today, Abby is happily married to Mike and works with a non-profit agency to help at-risk youth. “I was a non-traditional student and went back to school when I was 24 when I already had my oldest two children,” she says.

Abby and Mike, who have three biological children, are now in the process of adopting…  her own biological half-brother who was abandoned by her mother. Again. Check in on Friday where we research Part 2: Abby adopts her own brother!

Please get in touch to tell me your adoptive story, that’s how Abby and I met. What a pleasure!

Add a Comment
Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff
  1. by Pamela Navarro

    On August 4, 2011 at 4:16 am

    My sister and I who are identical twins were adopted Nov of 1946. That was right after the war and diapers were hard to come by. My adoptive parents wanted a boy. When the case worked called she told them she didn’t have a boy she had 2 girls. My folks had 2 days to buy babybeds and clothes. We weighed 16 pounds apiece at a year old. My sister had to wear a brace for rickets because her leg was bowed. We had the best parents in the whole world. We could not have asked for any better.

  2. by AMP

    On August 5, 2011 at 11:08 am

    “Abby and Mike, who have three biological children, are now in the process of adopting… her own biological half-brother who was abandoned by her mother.”

    That’s disgusting. Both the abandoning but especially the fact her BROTHER will be her legal child AND her BROTHER will lose his truthful, rightful identity. Disgusting.

  3. by Nicole Dorsey

    On August 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    AMP, I think what’s truly disgusting is your limited and ignorant view of the world, actually. I vote for saving the child every time, whether he’s related or not. Abby and Mike are giving a beautiful, wholesome life to a neglected child who would be left in foster care otherwise. Get a clue.

  4. by Christine Foster

    On August 7, 2011 at 9:41 am

    AMP…the only disgusting thing I see is your response. Your ignorance is astounding. Her brother’s true identity should be that he is apart of a loving and supportive family unit…which it sounds like will be happening soon.

    I applaud Abby and Mike and wish them all the best in the world!

  5. by Nicole Dorsey

    On August 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Ditto what Christine says, we wish the best to Abby, Mike, Cody and family, love love love

  6. by CED

    On August 9, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Wow, AMP. I’m usually not surprised by people’s ignorant comments online, but your’s really caught me off guard. What would be a better choice in your opinion? He will be with a loving family and that is the magic of adoption. Adoption brings a lot of love and a lot of challenges. Think before you decide to comment on a situation you know relatively little about.

  7. by ken

    On August 10, 2011 at 2:05 am

    Perhaps I’m missing something but why the hell would she search for her bio sperm doner and incubator. If she had great parents what more do u need. And yes I am adopted, but thankfully not under these circumstances, just an unwed mom that knew she couldn’t give me the life she felt I deserved. Thanks to her whereever she is.

  8. by lavetta

    On August 10, 2011 at 3:44 am

    thanks ced for commenting on that fool amp. I think u are young and dum to have put that comment out there .

  9. by AnnieCee

    On August 10, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Lots of people end up adopting younger siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandchildren… what’s the big deal about adopting your own brother?

    I wonder if AMP is just trolling, it doesn’t make sense to say something like that IMO.

  10. by Kathy

    On August 10, 2011 at 8:45 am

    How old is the brother? If she is 33 years old…?

  11. by jnt1224

    On August 10, 2011 at 8:58 am

    AMP ……. wow…. stupid comment.

  12. by Laurie

    On August 10, 2011 at 9:27 am

    I agree with all the others AMP you and your comment are the only things disgusting. Grow up and get a clue!

  13. by Nicole Dorsey

    On August 10, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Thanks for all the savvy comments. Cody, the adopted half-brother is only five, and Abby had never met him until last year. Go Abby!

  14. by Deena

    On August 14, 2011 at 7:38 am

    To Ken: Why would she search for her sperm donors? To meet other relatives who might not be at all like her mother or step dad. To meet the father who might have never known what happented to her? To find out if she has brothers or sisters? To get a medical history? To ask her mother exactly why he would let something so terrible happen to her own child?

  15. by Jo

    On August 14, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Wow, such opinionated people in this world. I guess the reality of life has not set in. You know, if the tables were turned they wouldn’t be acting dumb.

    Anyway, to adopt her step brother, he has an identity. I am sure she won’t let that be lost. He knows he is her brother. How do you know he may call her sis. I don’t think this woman will let him lose his identity, after all she has gone through.

    I think it is important to attempt to find the bio family, for several reasons, one is the health, one to put all feelings at peace, confront the family members involved as too why. After all we are people with inside feelings, unless we are moron’s whom just go on with life and don’t care about family, friend and people and are unemotional.

    Although, adoption on one side is sad and hurts, on the other it is great and happy. I have a granddaughter whom ended up being taken and adopted. I hope one day she can find it in her heart to look for us. Yes, I have family health information to pass on to her too. My husband was also adopted, and it has caused some issues for his identity. We are working on it right now but a slow process.

  16. by Milton

    On August 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    This poor lady was almost killed by this horrible man when she was a child.
    Then now she found out that her brother is also a child that has been abandoned by her mother, she then decides to adopt her brother so she can provide and protect her brother so he does not have to be neglected by another person.
    OMG! Thank god this lady was able to get ahead in life. Thank god she was able to find her brother and rescue him.

    M. Enrique Aguilar

  17. by Nicole Dorsey

    On August 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Milton, Jo and Friends,

    That’s why I had to profile Abby! She thrived after horrible abuse and now saves her own half-brother from the same fates! You know, Abby did not know her own half-brother even existed until right before they met.
    PLUS: Abby works with at-risk youth!!!! World needs more Abby!

  18. by CMW

    On August 15, 2011 at 9:05 am

    KEN..it didn’t say she searched out the sperm donor and incubator, after all there is more to a family then the bio parents..you know cousins, uncles, grandparents, etc.

    just sayin.

  19. by Melissa

    On August 20, 2011 at 11:09 am

    What a beautiful story of survival and thriving despite the circumstances of ones birth and early beginnings.

    I applaud this woman for opening her life to her brother and providing him the gift of a loving family that she herself found via her own adoption. Those who have lived lives where adoption could have made all the difference in the world can never know what a gift people like Abby are providing in another persons life.

    Growing up shuffled from foster home to foster home (and a few short placements back to my bio mother) I remember aching to be allowed to be placed up for adoption. Sadly I was instead made a pawn in my bio mothers life and it was only in my early teens that I finally found some stability with a more permanent foster family.

    I am now 36 years old. I still remain in contact with the foster mother who entered my life around high school age. My bio mother is no part of my life. I remain, even as a adult, painfully aware of how my life and childhood might have been different had I been eligible for adoptive placement.

    I found a 12 year old half sister last year (same age as my youngest child!). She too is in a poor home situation and although she remains with her biological mother, if the circumstances were (or become) different, I would not hesitate to have her come live in my home and adopt her if necessary.

    Thank you to Abby and the other Abby’s of this world. We need more people willing to step up for the sake of our neglected children. For every smiling child seen a playground, there is another child out there suffering, lonely and unloved. They say it takes a community to raise a child, something many seem to have forgotten (such as the one negative poster on this article).

  20. by Nelson

    On August 21, 2011 at 7:47 am

    Jo wrote, “I have a granddaughter whom ended up being taken and adopted. I hope one day she can find it in her heart to look for us.” I can’t say that she ever will, but you can give her a hand if she ever does.
    Contact the agency involved in the adoption and ask if they would accept an envelope for the girl if she ever inquires about her adoption. In it include a family medical history that is as complete as you can make it. I would also include a personal letter from you to her describing everything you are feeling about her and include your address and phone number (keep it updated) and invite her to call.

  21. by Lynn

    On August 21, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Abby, you are a woman who has allowed God to make “beauty from ashes” … Searching for the one who gave birth to you …. This brought you to a place of discovery of this precious brother who needs love. I believe this what I call a “God thang”! He orchestrated each step of the way. I love this story of redemption. You go, girl!

  22. by Angel

    On August 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    To respond further to Deena’s initial post to Ken.

    No matter how much our birth parents have hurt us we have a hole in our worlds without an understanding of who we are, our family history, and even just seeing our physical characteristics reflected in relatives. Sometimes we regret finding the info out as it just hurts us again, but it is a journey many of us is driven by a force that feels beyond us to explore.

    In Abby’s case it sounds like all of the above as well as reconnecting with those who loved her but couldn’t help her. While it doesn’t seem that long ago, the way they handled abuse even in the 70′s is dramatically different then how it is handled today. My mother pushed me down steps and my arm was in a splint for weeks. When asked what happened by the teacher I told the truth and yet my mother retained custody of me. No investigation, my parents only had a teacher’s conference in which they decided I have a “vivid imagination”. That was 1978-1979′ish. Today teachers are required to report incidents like this (not that it necessarily would have changed anything, but at least someone would have had to review it).

    Going back to Abby’s situation, I think she was sent back into that world for her brother. To think that a family has not watched once, but twice, this situation unfold is horrendous. To think this mother was able to have another child given what happened to her first one is beyond horrendous.

    I am thankful Abby not only survived but thrived. I hope that her brother will be rescued from that family’s traumatic environment before long-term damage is done.

  23. by Angel

    On August 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    (To clarify a sentence in my previous response)

    When I say I think she was sent back into that world for her brother, I mean as his guardian angel. She didn’t know the steps she would take would give more than to just herself. He was crying out for help. She answered that call.

    I agree with the idea that we need more Abby’s in the world, but would love if those Abby’s never had to suffer like this Abby did.

    Thank you, Nicole, for sharing a story about a woman who is beautiful inside and out.

  24. by Barbara West

    On August 22, 2011 at 7:17 am

    What I find even MORE astonishing than the ignorant remark is that this woman is still giving birth.WHEN are we going to require sterlilization of women who have no business bearing children they can then abandon?This baby is very fortunate that it has a sister old enough to be ABLE to adopt.

  25. by Abby

    On August 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

    I am amazed by the outpouring of responses to this article!! I would like to personally respond to AMP… I am sorry you view our choice to adopt Cody as disgusting. For the record, he is only biologically my half-brother as I was adopted into another family and we never knew each other. Also, he will not lose this identity because as an adoptee myself I understand the importance of knowing the whole story to develop a healthy sense of self. We are doing the best we can to give him a chance at being part of a family and having a sense of security and belonging in his “forever family”.

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  27. by Lisa

    On August 25, 2011 at 2:14 am

    Excellent work Abby – you have come a long way in life and will be a great mother and sister to your newest addition xoxo

  28. [...] Abused and adopted daughter tells her story (Parents.com) [...]

  29. by Daisy

    On August 28, 2011 at 9:30 am

    AMP is troll. I think Abby and her husband are wonderful for adopting her brother. She is giving him a stable and loving family. All children deserve to be loved. I work for DCFS in California and we promote adoption within the family. If it wasn’t for families adopting their own we would have more children without homes. Go Abby!!

  30. by John Boyle

    On August 31, 2011 at 6:04 am

    While we lived in Japan we started the process to adopt a girl from Korea. During that time my wife became pregnant with twins and we knew that we could not cope with triplets. In August 1972 our daughters were born prematurely and did not survive. In 1973 we returned to the US and started the process again. At that time interracial adoptions were difficult in Alabama. We persisted and finally overcame all the administrative obstacles. Later that year we were blessed with Kate who has been the joy of our lives. Coincidentally, Kate was conceived about the same time that our twins died. Fate?

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  33. by nicole Dorsey

    On September 8, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Thank you Mari, I love meeting all these brave souls! Sounds like maybe you might have a story for me too! If so, email! Thanks!

  34. by nicole Dorsey

    On September 9, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    Stay tuned, my friends. As the author of this blog, I have a few crazy good stories coming up! And if you have a story to tell me (HIPE SO) , Comment below and I will email you personally. Thanks for reading!

  35. by CaliCat

    On September 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    If this were my situation, I’m not sure I would want to find my biological parents.

  36. by Julia O'Neil

    On September 13, 2011 at 7:32 am

    the mother who willingly gives up a child she cannot afford to raise is giving that child the opportunity for a better life – that is the purpose. Adoption reunions generally are a disaster probably less than 5% are sucessful and I would say it would require a very exceptional and forgiving child. The mother in order to have peace about it has to relinguish all rights in her heart and does so for the benefit of the child and herself. To be reintroduced some 30 years later to perhaps an unforgiving child no matter how much the mother would like to make things right there is no way you can put those 30 years on the table and pick up the pieces. Basically it is impossible not to mention suddenly telling present grandkids oh by the way here is a relative I gave away 30 years ago.
    If the child has been adopted into a good family should that not be enough for them? hopefully it would be since that usually is the goal of the mother. There are exceptions and there are nightmares. God help the exceptions to be worthy and the nightmares prevented.
    Why would you want to find the person responsible for you nearly getting killed? i cannot see the benefit of reconnecting in 95% of the cases.

  37. by Abby Geotz

    On September 19, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Julia -

    First of all, I never attempted to locate or have contact with my abuser who was my step-father. Second, as an adoptee I always wondered about my biological parents and wondered if they though about me. I don’t feel this is in any way an insult to my adoptive family or says that I don’t love them or don’t appreciate them. My adoptive mother was and is very supportive of this whole process of “self discovery”.

    I have not and will not judge my biological mother for the choices she has made and hold no resentments toward her. When I located her, I left it completely up to her whether or not she wanted contact and she was very open to meeting me.

    I have also found my biological father’s family. Unfortunately he passed away in 2002, but I have met his children and am very close to my half-sister. I also left it up to them whether or not they wanted contact and they couldn’t open up their lives to me fast enough.

    My half-sister and I are more alike than anyone I have ever met in my life and have lived almost parrallel lives even though we had never met. It really taught me how strong biology is and reinforced how important completing my journey was.

    I’m sure every adoptee, adoptive parent, biological parent, etc. have different views and different values related to search and reunion. I did what I thought was best for me and was very aware of the possibilty of things not going well or being rejected. All I ask is that others respect the path I chose and if they can take something away or learn something from my story, that’s great.

  38. by CAPACIFIC

    On September 29, 2011 at 11:14 am

    What a wonderful page to come upon. I never knew about adoptions much only what I have seen in media.
    I would of loved to have been taken from my biological home bc of abuse issues but wasnt.
    I wish only to reconnect up with the children my bio father made with other wives I have yet to find them.
    I think the world of this woman who takes the horror bestowed upon her and turned it to something so beautiful
    Your what is good about this world.
    dont listen to others like this AMP person It is jus the one and obviously has her or his own issues to contend with Let em be.. GOD BLESS U LOVE FOR UR HEART AND MIND DESERVE THIS ………TY FOR BEING HERE .

  39. by Kerry

    On September 30, 2011 at 11:47 am

    You are awesome Abby

  40. by EarlGrayHot

    On September 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    I find it hard to believe she wants anything to do with the miserable bioparent who left her alone with a creep who nearly beat her to death. I was adopted as a baby and while mine was not a dire case like this, beyond having some medical info I have no deseire to find my bioparents. My parents took care of me, held me when I had a nightmare and made sure I was well taken care of. They are the only parents I ever needed.

  41. by bmarie

    On October 10, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I was adopted also at 6 weeks old. My mom and dad and brother all the family I counted as my own. My bio mom made the best decision possible for herself and me when she decided not to raise me and I have never wished her anything but the best in life. However, never had any desire to find her either. She chose to move on to a life without me and I had two loving parents as a result. No need to interrupt either of the lives she or I have built out of “curiousity”. Just seems like that’s all it comes down to.

    My ex-husband was adopted also, and the three sons we had together are the start of a whole new family line as far as I’m concerned. It is a new adventure every passing year to see where we are going and building our own history. No need to go back and try to be apart of something that was never mine to start with except by biological accident. Thank God for the love of a family who chose you.

  42. by didi

    On October 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    I was also adopted and grew up in a loving home. I always wondered why I was adopted out. I have found my biological family and have 13 half brothers and sisters. It is hard to have missed out on their lives but I am so grateful to know them. Yes I disrupted their lives but they aren’t angry. I was able to meet my biological Dad prior to his passing and he told me he would have kept me if he would have known, my biological Mom found out she was pregnant and took off. She saw him two years later and told him. There was no blame on either side and I have loving relationships with my biological and adopted parents. Quite frankly it was the best thing I ever did

  43. by AlanSmithee

    On October 20, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Identity. What is “identity”? As a militant individualist I am often confused by how most people speak of identity. Who are you? What makes you , you?
    I think we should all chill out a little regarding the unpopular commentator AMP.
    Imaging for a moment the kind of world AMP lives in. It is a world where “incest” can not be spoken and where who a person is, is determined by half understood customs and taboos handed down by generations of narrow minded (likely proud of it too)people who never accepted the Enlightenment idea that “free-thinking” and “open-mindedness” are good things.
    AMP lives in a world where if a person is your much younger half-brother (thus family) it is an act of perversion to adopt him in secular court proceedings so that you can be his guardian and he can live with kin. Imagine having such a restricted world view that this situation causes the kind of revulsion we woud reserve for a person who is having sex with their half brother.
    Pity not anger is more appropriate for AMP. Don’t you think?

  44. by joanne

    On October 25, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    Congratulations Abby. To the author, this section:

    Abby and Mike, who have three biological children, are now in the process of adopting… her own biological half-brother who was abandoned by her mother.

    I find offensive that you are referring to the biological birth parent as her mother. Abby’s mother is the one that raised her.

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