Adoption Options for Older Parents

Here’s the big reason I’m becoming more open (every day!) to the possibility of adoption: She is out there. Waiting. I can feel it. I almost see my new daughter if I squint off into the distance. Hold my breath. Say a little prayer.

I heard the following message on the radio the other day and had to call an adoption agency the moment I returned home: “When you adopt it certainly does not change this world. It changes, forever and always, only the world of that one child.”

Here is a short list of reasons for us not to adopt this year:

  1. I am exhausted most of the time already.
  2. My son Sam is five already and healthy and perfect. Why tempt fate?
  3. I have the freedom to travel, go out with friends, do yoga whenever I want.
  4. I’ve been sleeping through the night for four years now.
  5. Sam is easy to manage, and we have so much fun. Why ruin it?
  6. Maybe I’d never love another child as much as I love Sam.
  7. Due to our advanced age, and because we have one biological child, specific rules in many countries rule us out.

And the only reason to adopt this year? For her, for our awaiting child, wherever she may be. She needs her mommy, for starters.

Are you considering adopting a baby this year? Maybe adopt a toddler who needs you more than anything? Maybe the questions is, if you have the love and some time and can afford it, how can you not help?

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Back To The Adoption Diaries, by Nicole Dorsey-Straff
  1. by Marie

    On June 10, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    1.All moms are exhausted.
    2.We tempt fate every day we get out of bed.
    3.Freedom isn’t getting away from your child, it’s spending time with him before he grows up and seeks freedom from you.
    4. Ok, I’m with you on the sleep.
    5. Two children is twice the fun. Sam would benefit from a sibling.
    6. You will never love another child like you love Sam…you’ll love them differently and you will grow as a person from this love.
    7. The longer you wait, chances are you will not be adopting.

    Please do not adopt if you are doing this to change a child’s life. Adopt only because you want to love and parent a child–same reasons you would get pregnant–and know that as much as you will change her life, she’s ultimately going to change yours even more–same as Sam has. Are you ready for that? Adoption is more intimate and emotional than most people understand. Rather than blogging to get feedback from strangers, stop by a local shelter, foster center, meet with a few agencies and ask to meet with adoptive families, or travel to an orphanage and put a face to your adoption fantasy. These are real kids with real needs. One thing I learned from our agency is to respect their privacy. That starts the moment you consider adopting. From now on, just make sure the things you write aren’t going to hurt your child’s feelings when they read them years from now. Such as minimizing or comparing their potential existince in your perfect life to that of an adopted dog. With all the negativity in the world about adoption and adopted kids sometimes still made to feel like they are second string, I reassure my children more than often that they were wanted before they were even born, even though they weren’t born to me, we just had to take a different path to be together.

    Not trying to be mean. Just a reality check. Good lk with your decision.

  2. by Allison

    On June 11, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Please before you go any further in your decision about adopting, stop and read ‘The Primal Wound’ by Nancy Verrier (http://www.nancyverrier.com/prim_book.php).

    Before you enter into a life time commitment, you need to understand how children are affected by adoption. They will not feel rescued, so if you are considering adoption to fulfill your quest to rescue a child, move on. Adoptees will always have a sense of loss and a wound which, no matter how great an adoptive parent you are, you will never be able to heal.

    My mother is adopted, and it took her years to get through Nancy Verrier’s book because she was finally beginning to understand herself and facing the hurt that she has carried inside. I, myself, have trouble reading the book as I see and better understand my mother, I can feel her pain, especially now as a mother myself.

    You and your husband would both benefit from reading ‘The Primal Wound’ before you continue your consideration of adoption, if simply to make sure that you know what you are getting into.

  3. by Nicole Dorsey

    On June 13, 2011 at 11:27 am

    GREAT great advice here–I do think of adoption as rescuing a child! Rushing out to get this book! Thanks MOMS!

  4. by Dana

    On July 8, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    As an adult adoptee and an adoption professional I have to differ with some responses I have seen on your blogs. I know this may not be in direct response to this blog… but here goes…
    My adoptive parents did an amazing job of letting me know I had another identity out there, but also made me a part of theirs… working with birth moms makes me smile and sometimes tear up, realizing how selfless mine was, and seeing adoptive families lives change as they overflow with love for a child they are given the amazing opportunity to love and parent allows me to imagine my own parents’ response to that initial phone call and the first time they held me. Adoption is amazing and loving. Not one young mom dreams of placing her baby, not one couple dreams of not being able to have a child, and no one feels it ideal to be raised by someone not biologically related to them…but it is our experience… We can’t change our experience… so dwell on the good. I celebrate my experience and realize it makes me who I am.