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Just Say No


Kids ask for so much -- and it's tempting to give in to keep the peace. But a good parent has to be the bad guy sometimes.

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The Importance of "NO"

If you had a dollar for every time your child has asked for something, you'd have enough money to fund a presidential campaign, right? We all hate to see our kids unhappy (or spiraling into a major meltdown), so all too often we take the path of least resistance and give in. But the truth is, you'll do your child a big favor by saying "no" more frequently. "Saying no teaches children important lessons -- how to deal with disappointment, how to argue, how to prioritize, and how to strike a balance between work and play -- which are essential experiences that aren't always taught in school," says social psychologist Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It -- and Mean It -- and Stop People-Pleasing Forever. "Kids who understand that they can't always have their way will be more likely to be successful in school, relationships, and their careers." Here are nine situations in which Dr. Newman says you should stand firm -- and how to plan your defense.


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My son was terribly hurt when he sent out 21 invitations to his entire class and only one child showed up. I have my son only give invitations to those he is friends with now. If he gave them to the entire class, and only one shows, that is painful to the child who is having the party. I limit because I want my son only to have those come that he is comfortable with. So I now tell him "no" on inviting the entire class.
10/18/2007 1:40 PM CDT
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marymannes wrote:
Why would you want your child invited to places where you do not know the parents well, or feel the need to get a present for someone you do not know. This is absurd. You can learn from not being invited. It is kind of like "just say no". Why would you want your child to feel the need to be just like everyone else.
10/8/2007 5:03 PM CDT
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As a preschool teacher and a parent, students have to find alternative ways to invite friends if not inviting the entire class due to the unfairness of having only one or two children left out. It is acceptable in the younger grades to invite "just boys" or "just girls" - but not to invite 20 and leave 4 out. If there is enough money for 20 children, then it is not a question of expense.
Neither the schools nor the adminstration are asking that parents spend more than they can afford, simply that they be cognizant of others feelings when organizing parties. A skill all should be teaching their children anyway. As a mother of 5 and an early childhood teacher for 17 years, I have seen my share of hurt feelings due to a lack of popularity.
10/8/2007 2:53 PM CDT
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Part of the reason why entire classes are invited, is to avoid the whole "favortism" thing going on. Kids feel hurt when alot of kids are invited and they're not (whether they're friends of the child or not). And I agree with Jnnelson, when its a party at your home, its no big deal but when you have it elsewhere.. I had a bowling party for my son one time; and just in family members and a few close friends it was about $400. Some things do need to be said with tact, but the bottom line, you can't say yes to everyone when money is on the line. Period. In addition, most class rooms DO have a little birthday thing for their students. The summer birthdays don't; but it's easier to get away with inviting just the child's actual friends. Just my two cents.
10/8/2007 1:21 PM CDT
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In response to somethingmoveme. I'm not sure how things are in your area but in urban areas and some suburban ones many parents opt to have their children's parties somewhere other than their home. This can get expensive-I've seen parties cost up to $30/child. When your child is in a class with 27 other children with parents that aren't considerate enough to RSVP and stick to it, these things can get VERY expensive. CROWD CONTROL is useful, relevant and helpful.
10/8/2007 1:05 PM CDT
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