Parenting Twins: Questions About Life with Multiples

Having a Life

Q. Do you ever get out? Just you and your husband?

A. When we want to, we do. But honestly, the entertainment level in our household has increased exponentially with the arrival of our twins. We're less interested in the restaurant meals and movies that filled our social calendar pre-twins.

The questions behind the question: It's an oft-assumed -- and highly irritating -- question behind the question, but people may really be asking, "Is your marriage suffering for the additional stress/strain?" Again, no one's business but yours and your spouse's.

Q. Do you miss your job?

A. No. I don't. I keep in touch with my former coworker friends, but I don't miss my actual job at all. My new stay-at-home-mom career utilizes many of the talents/skills that made me a formidable force in my professional role: multitasking, attention to detail, working capably within deadlines, strong interpersonal and diplomacy skills, and the ability to function effectively amidst perceived chaos. The benefits in my new profession supersede my former benefits package. The pay? Well, that's a different story, but I can wear my pajamas to work!

The questions behind the question: "Are you truly satisfied/fulfilled by your decision to become a stay-at-home mom?" Or for the working twin moms: "Do you regret your decision of returning to work, knowing someone else is caring for your twins?" Regardless of which 9-to-5 decision a new mom makes, others (usually women) are often unconvinced that they would be happy making the same choice. True and honest feminism should encourage, trust, and support every woman's ability and competence to make the decision that is best for her and her family. If you wish to convince the frequently inconvincible, develop your testimony now. Otherwise, trust yourself and save your breath. Don't be swayed or insulted by those whose preferences are different from your own.