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The Pros and Cons of the Family Bed
Controversy over the family bed, or co-sleeping as it's often called, seems to come and go in waves. Currently, most child development experts, even those who were previously opposed to co-sleeping, take a middle-ground position on a family-that-sleeps-together policy. Most now admit that an issue this personal has to be decided by you, taking your own family's needs and cultural background into consideration. Be sure that you're making an informed decision, so you know what you're getting into if you let your child begin -- or continue -- to share your bed. Feelings run high on both sides of this intimate issue.
Proponents of the family bed point to the historical precedent set for this practice in many cultures. Children have shared a bed with their parents all over the world for centuries. Some nursing mothers find it easier to have their child nearby for nighttime feedings with minimal interruption of sleep for mother and child. Some parents feel it's cruel to isolate a highly social child by putting him in his bed alone at night. Others simply feel that children derive a greater sense of security and well-being from sleeping near their mom and dad.
On the other hand, many parents believe equally strongly that what works in other cultures may not necessarily work in ours. You may feel that your child needs her own identity separate from yours and her own retreat at the end of the day. Parents, too, may feel that their room and their bed are their own sanctuary, a child-free place for rest, for togetherness, and for sex (though co-sleeping advocates say their way encourages them to be more creative about when and where and how to make love). Some experts feel that having a very small child sleep with her parents poses a suffocation hazard, although this is probably a minimal risk for a 1-year-old. At any rate, you need not feel at all guilty if you are simply more comfortable having your child sleep in her bed rather than in yours. Either way, there are benefits.
If you haven't done so already, you will have to make your own decision about how much family you want in your bed. If you do choose to follow the co-sleeping route, make sure the togetherness you desire addresses your child's needs and not just your own. If you are a single parent or your spouse is often away from home, for instance, you should not allow your child to sleep with you just to stave off your own loneliness. Nor should you take your child into your bed simply because you feel that it will be easier to get him to go to sleep that way. You can certainly help your child to learn to fall asleep in his own bed within a few days.
All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.
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When our children were tiny infants we made sure they slept in their bed because of SIDS and the fear of rolling on them in the middle of the night. But when they got to about 9 months we let them sleep with us but only for bedtime. For naps they sleep in there own bed and do just fine. But for bedtime they sleep with mommy and daddy ... I think it's mostly cause daddy is normally working all day so it's nice for us to all be together.
4/27/2012 09:11:43 AM Report AbuseI don't know what is best for everyone else but I do know for George and I co-sleeping has been what works for us. Of course it has been quite a bonding expirence but to lay there and watch him everynite whether he was sick or healthy gave me the piece of mind I needed to not stress too bad as a new mother, And to wake up every morning to watch him wake up and smile at me is priceless. There will be a day when he decides he wants to sleep in his bed. That is when I will let him take that step.
5/10/2010 11:16:49 PM Report AbuseTheresab220... Try having her sleep in her crib with the boppy... My daughter had RSV really bad so she slept with us in the boppy then when she got over it she went to her crib and didn't like it... We started putting her in her crib with the boppy and she did just fine. She started wiggling herself out of it at night so we took the boppy away. Now she falls asleep just fine in her crib without it.
4/15/2010 08:38:45 AM Report AbuseMy daughter started sleeping in a co-sleeper bassinet because she is a very restless sleeper, now she sleeps in bed with me (she is 6 months) on the boppy. She tend to sleep though the night with just a little fussiness but I wake at evey little movement- she hates the crib and I don't know how to transition her over. Any suggestions? I feel guilty that I may be "spoiling" her and that she will never sleep alone.
3/4/2010 10:53:39 AM Report Abusemy husband and i have enjoyed our daughter sleeping in our bed, we both just wanted to stare at her all the time. Now however she is almost nine months old and we really want to get her back to her crib fulltime. Is there any advice for doing this without traumatizing her, ex:sreaming, hours of crying, parents feeling horrible????????
2/3/2010 11:22:14 AM Report AbuseOh and one more thing, as Mohawks we are raised that a family stays close because bonding and the feeling of protection is very important to our young. Afterall we come from a society that used to have every family member lives the same longhouse. It works for some cultures and not others. I say do what feels right for you!
1/11/2010 10:07:26 AM Report AbuseWith both our children we started them out in the crib, and by 6 months both cried and woke up six to eight times a night. They ended up in our bed. I'll take a foot in the ribs every once in awhile over stubbing my toe in the darkness and feeling as though i didn't sleep a wink!
1/11/2010 10:04:24 AM Report AbuseI have 6 children and every one of them either is or has slept with us. My husband and I purchased a co-sleeping bed (made by Safety 1st) for the baby (now 3 months) that you put in your bed and it keeps you from rolling on him and him from rolling off the bed. I found with my first child that breastfeeding was much easier at night and I was getting more sleep so I have continued with my other children.
12/16/2009 12:02:37 PM Report AbuseMy 3 daughters spent most of their 1st year sleeping in our bed. Since I breast-fed all of them for their 1st year, it was easier to have them share our bed.It was hard at first to get them used to sleeping in their own bed ( we sometimes resorted to letting them sleep in sleeping bags in our room...the funniest experience happenned when the middle child fell asleep with "Silly Putty" and woke up screaming because her was stuck to the carpet! After that...NO more "Silly Putty"
10/19/2009 09:47:01 PM Report AbuseSince the arrival of baby number three, four months ago, our middle child began sleeping in our bed. It started because I was sleeping on the couch with the baby in a bassinet so as not to disturb the other sleeping boys and husband getting up to feed the baby and such. I slept away from my husband for two months and during that time our son obviously needed to know that everything in mommy-daddy land was ok. I don't mind, because his emotional balance must need it.
10/19/2009 09:01:06 PM Report AbuseSorry... as a Child Welfare worker and a parent, I could never advocate for parents co-sleeping with their infants, under a year old. I have seen far too many infants die, due to being rolled over on, getting caught between the wall and the bed, and having a blanket thrown over their face. None of these parents were intoxicated or under the influence of alcohol. It was purely an accident... that could have been completely avoided.
10/19/2009 06:35:10 PM Report AbuseWith our first child, we were very nervous as first time parents, and shared our bed with our daughter most of the first few months. It was wonderful since I was breastfeeding. Now we have two--our daughter is now almost 3 and our son is 14 months, and they co-sleep with us when they are not feeling well. I find it's a really great help to make them more comfortable and for all of us to get the rest we need. Most of the time, they sleep in their own beds in their rooms, and they do very well.
10/19/2009 06:34:00 PM Report AbuseI really think it's a matter of personal choice - in some cultures it is supposed to be cruel if the child is not in the same bed as the parents ...while here most people will advocate separate sleeping. Do what works for you - ultimately all of us want healthy strong children. good to see a neutral view point.
10/19/2009 05:25:59 PM Report AbuseI have 4 kids and each child has had thier time co-sleeping with us. I love doing the co-sleeping. My kids are 14, 9, 6 & 15 month. they are all healthy, strong individuals. very social, confident children. My teen is very close to me even now and loves laying by me just because. Dont know if other teens are like this but my daughter is and may have part in the co-sleeping when she was a baby. They each sleeped with us for atleast 2 years.
10/19/2009 04:23:49 PM Report AbuseI'm about to become a father. My wife and I are thinking about the Co-sleeping and so far we have been for it... This article has helped a lot and has made me more confident about the issue... I definitely will be safe about it and make sure my child comes first. I do think it is a personal decision and it helps to have those who agree...
10/19/2009 02:58:27 PM Report AbuseThis is a great look at both sides. My husband and in-laws encouraged breastfeeding and co-sleeping with our son when he was a baby. My husband and I both loved being this special time of closeness, especially on the days we both worked outside the home. We were very creative and this arrangement did not interfere with intimacy. Now 10 my son has long outgrown this arrangement and sleeps on his own.
10/19/2009 11:55:53 AM Report AbuseCo-sleeping aka the family bed is perfectly healthy. Responsible adults make sure that their child is safe - eliminating excess sheets/blankets and of course no alchol/drugs. Babies/children in the family bed has happened for ages and should not be looked down upon. Every family should make the best decision for their family. Thank you for your neutral fact based article.
10/19/2009 10:23:19 AM Report AbuseThank you for remaining neutral on this issue. I have read articles what were supposed to have information on both sides of the argument but were clearly opposed to bed sharing. I am for it, but was pleased with the information you provided on both sides of the line. I agree it is really a personal choice and as long as you are safe, it shouldn't matter what others believe. Thanks!
10/19/2009 10:19:25 AM Report Abuse