New Moms Tell It Like It Is

Having an Identity

LS: I think, in this time of parenting, we have permission to say, "I don't know" or "I really screwed up yesterday" to our kids. That helps children accept us and see us as human beings. But you shouldn't overcompensate by sharing too much. You want to make sure that your child knows you're not a kid; you're a woman taking care of a child.

LIZ: My mom didn't work full-time, but she was involved in a lot of activities and was very entrepreneurial. I didn't pay attention -- what was important to me then was that my mom was there for me. Now, the relationship has changed, and what's important is how much I respect her. My admiration for her pushes me to be a good mother.

KIRSTEN: My mom doesn't know what to do now. I'm 36 years old, so she hasn't been a full-time mother for a long time. But she still has no clue what to do with her life because she has no identity except being a mother. I'm paranoid about that, because I don't have a job right now.

ALICIA: But did she have something before she got married?

KIRSTEN:No.

ALICIA: So you're different already. You have an identity. My mother didn't have anything before she went straight into motherhood. I feel our generation of mothers is different because we have an identity.

LS: Everybody has an identity. A job isn't necessarily what defines your identity. As mothers, it's really important for us to say to ourselves, "Whether I'm working or not, I have an identity."