5 New-Mom Guilt Cures

The sources of guilt in the early days of motherhood can be numerous and all-consuming. The good news is we certainly aren't alone: "Women have very high expectations of themselves," says Jenn Berman, PhD, author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. "We tend to feel like we should be it all, know it all, do it all, and handle it without a sweat. Becoming a mom is one of the most wonderful things, but it's also one of the most stressful, difficult transitions in your life." Here's why you should give yourself a break, starting right now. Don't let these common guilt trips trip you up!

By Gina Bevinetto Feld

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Why Don't I Love Every Minute of Motherhood?

The image of Mother that we have filed away in our head -- selfless, always caring and available -- is hard to live up to. Although you're in love with your new baby, you're not always in love with how much work it requires to care for her. "I felt guilty about enjoying my newborn best when she was sleeping," recalls Jessica Engelhart, of Hoboken, New Jersey, mom to Julia, 2 1/2 years old. Moreover, the pervasive idea that your life should revolve around your baby can breed guilt when you go out alone with your spouse or, horrors, do something for yourself. "I feel guilty when I do things like getting my hair done," says Deborah Moniaci, of Brooklyn, New York, mother of 5-month-old Gabriella. Though, she adds, "when I actually do something for myself, I come back feeling so refreshed and rejuvenated, I'm happier to see my daughter. So I hope that I remember those feelings for the next time."

Next: Am I Doing Everything Right?

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Comments

Comments (3)

wendyrx1731922 wrote:

NOT at all the way this article just made ALL FATHERS out to be. "Dads don't try to do it all." MINE DOES. "Dads don't feel guilty about taking time for themselves." AGAIN, MINE DOES. "Dads don't blame themselves for everything (er, anything)." DO I REALLY NEED TO SAY IT AGAIN?? Well, I WILL! MINE DOES! How is it no one else has a problem with this obviously overly biased perspective? I thought this site was called PARENTS.com! NOT Moms-who-choose-sh***y-partners.com! I've had it with this site.

6/27/2011 02:52:14 PM Report Abuse

wendyrx1731922 wrote:

I think the comments regarding Dad's at the end of this article are BS! Just because SOME fathers/husbands are lazy or neglectful or just plain stupid when it comes to raising the kids, doesn't mean ALL of them are. Doesn't this site realize how many single fathers and stay at home Dad's there are? Or as in my situation: disabled.. BUT PERFECTLY ABLE to care for both his children, AND help with MY adult daughter AND grandkids too! And... (see next comment)

6/27/2011 02:51:15 PM Report Abuse

a_d_j_2007 wrote:

I had my 2nd when my 1st was 3.5. I felt bad for not being smitten with my 2nd. Including the older one in baby-jobs made quality time together, allowed my him to feel important & actually helped me out. I found that I was allowing my oldest to get away with things.My advise is to include the older child & not stray from the rules you had before baby.Breaking your own rules is confusing for kids & adds to the change that they have to deal with. It's not a reward for them, just added stress.-AJ

6/27/2011 11:14:15 AM Report Abuse

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