Discussing Worrisome Baby Behavior

Should you tell your friend you think her child has a disorder?

By Gail Belsky

Q. One of my friends has a 16-month-old who rarely makes eye contact and who seems abnormally antisocial. I fear the baby may have autism, but I'm no expert. I'm torn about whether to bring up my concern. If the baby does need help, the earlier the better, but if he turns out to be healthy, I'll have unnecessarily worried my friend. What do you think?

A. I know what I'd do: Drop the whole subject like a hot potato. I simply can't imagine telling a friend of mine that I suspected her child had autism -- nor would I want anyone to share that observation with me. I'd leave it to her pediatrician, who, I'm assuming, sees the child for well-baby checkups. But that's me. Only you know the kind of relationship you have with this friend, and whether she would want you to bring your concern to her attention. Would she think you were uncaring for not bringing it up? If so, then maybe you should say something. But if she takes your comments badly, it may end up costing you the closeness you value.

Gail Belsky, a mother of two, lives in Montclair, New Jersey.

All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.