Simple Solutions to Stop the Sobs

Remember Crying Is Normal

All infants cry -- that's how they communicate, says Kathy Burklow, PhD, a child psychologist. When your baby lets out a wail, she's signaling she needs something. Some infants cry more than others: In the first months, most babies spend one to three hours a day in tears, with about 20 percent of babies crying more. Still, even excessive crying is usually normal, Dr. Burklow says.

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Try, Try Again

Your baby is wailing and you've covered the basics: He's not hungry, wet, or tired. Try one of these soothing tips.

* Create a womblike environment. Most infants like being held tightly, just as they were in utero, says Harvey Karp, MD, Parents advisor and author of The Happiest Baby on the Block. So try swaddling: Use a large, square blanket, place your baby's head on the folded-down corner, and keep his arms in. (Hospital-size baby blankets are too small, Dr. Karp says.)

* Keep him moving. "When Duncan fussed, I'd pop him into the sling," says Silandara Bartlett-Gustina, of Rochester, New York. "I'd empty the dishwasher, walk around the house, fold laundry -- and he'd quiet down and fall asleep within minutes." Your infant may prefer gentle rocking or sitting in a bouncy seat.

* Get out of the house. A walk around the neighborhood can give you both a break. "If Alexander was screaming and my husband took him out, he'd stop crying instantly," Lynn Morley says.

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Prepare for the Evil Hour

Experts aren't sure why babies fuss most in the early evening. One theory is that end-of-the-day crying helps a baby organize herself neurologically and cope with the day's stimulation, says Pamela High, MD, professor of pediatrics at Brown University Medical School, in Providence. "She may be as tired or overtired as you are at the end of the day." In other words, sobbing may help her blow off steam.

Evening crying is especially frustrating, though, and your stress can make things more difficult. You may misread your baby's cues, says Kathy Burklow, PhD, a child psychologist, so you have a tougher time soothing her. When her tears make you tense up, try slowing down your own movements and taking a few deep breaths from your diaphragm, suggests Dr. Burklow. And when you can, take turns with your spouse.

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Know There's an End in Sight

When your baby is around 3 months old and becomes more active, you'll notice that his crying, especially his end-of-the-day fussing, tapers off significantly. Even colicky babies stop their bouts of crying right around 3 months. (If you don't see a change by 4 months, talk to your pediatrician, so she can rule out a medical issue.)

But don't be surprised to see another spike in crying during your baby's second six months. And it's not just teething, says Kathy Burklow, PhD, a child psychologist, says. "Between 7 and 9 months, your baby is starting to learn object permanence. He knows that you exist, even when he can't see you." That means separation anxiety -- and tears. Your baby's also learning to creep or crawl and may get frustrated when he can't. "Just like in the earlier months, crying is a good sign. He's making developmental leaps, but it's physically and emotionally exhausting for him," Dr. Burklow says.

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If Nothing Works, Put Her Down

Sometimes you both just need to regroup. "When I can't figure out what's wrong with Liam, I set him down in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes," says mom Jessica Stone. "It makes me feel more sane." Sometimes being alone is what your baby needs.

"She may cry more loudly for 10 minutes or so, and then either fall asleep or let herself be soothed after you go back to her," says Pamela High, MD, professor of pediatrics at Brown University Medical School, in Providence.

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When You Can't Deal

A crying baby who won't stop can drive even the calmest caregiver mad. "Babies are wonderful, but they require a tremendous amount of commitment -- and with that stress and fatigue anyone can lose control," says Jill Glick, MD, medical director of the University of Chicago Hospitals Child Protective Services. Unfortunately, a common response is to give the wailing infant a shake.

To prevent Shaken Baby Syndrome, make sure you, your husband, and your sitters know never to pick up a baby in anger. And head off fatigue, Dr. Glick suggests: "Nap when the baby naps, and try to find a way to get a full night's sleep every so often." If your baby is crying and you're distressed, put him in the crib and leave the room for five minutes. If you feel like you?re going to lose it, put your baby in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes. The one thing you should never do is shake your wailing infant.

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Colic Facts

All this worrisome term means is that your baby cries three or more hours a day for three days a week for three weeks or more in her first three months. While this excessive wailing is still considered normal, there may be a culprit.

Baby heartburn. Five to 10 percent of babies with colic have a digestive issue, like gastroesophageal reflux disease, in which stomach acid backs up into the esophagus. If your infant cries or arches her back during or after a feeding and also spits up frequently, talk to your pediatrician.

A cow's milk allergy or sensitivity. You can try eliminating dairy foods from your diet, or if you're formula-feeding, switching to a hypoallergenic formula. If there's no improvement in a week, talk to your doctor.

Caffeine sensitivity. If you're breastfeeding, limiting your caffeine may decrease your baby's irritability and help control crying, says Dr. Pamela High. Also ask your doctor about any meds you may be taking.

Originally published in the March 2007 issue of Parents magazine. Updated 2010.

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