I have a 3-year old daughter that has severe temper tantrums and I don't know how to control them. She is teaching my 9-month old bad habits. I'm getting frustrated with it. How can I control them?
First of all, it is very common for children your daughter's age to throw temper tantrums. They are still learning how to regulate their feelings and self-soothe (especially when they don't get what they want!). The best way to address these behaviors is to have a structured system for rewards and consequences that you use predictably and consistently on a daily basis. Although there are a number of great books on the subject, the one that I recommend most is 1,2,3 Magic, by Thomas Phelan. It presents a straightforward and effective system for both disciplining and rewarding your child, and at 3-years-old, she's at a great age to start.
Kpeden - I am curious to see the studies that you are citing, as I have not personally read a single one that is consistent with your perspective. In fact, every reputable study I have seen shows that the single most effective way to encourage the repetition of constructive and positive behaviors is through praise and rewards. In order to stop unwanted behaviors, consequences are certainly necessary as well, but the same method cannot typically be used to effectively achieve both goals.